Consequential
by Ephemeral Everlast
Summary: When competitive rivalry sparks something much more profound, results of any sort are inevitable. Inuyasha/Kouga
1. Conclusions

_Over the years, I've always had this idea in my head about writing a very funny, persistent love story. This is one of those tales, with the pairing of Inuyasha/Kouga._

_A few things before we begin this five chapter story:_

_1.) Deviation from canon is intentional. I call it a fanfiction author's creative license._

_2.) In regards to number 1, I'm taking out some of the events of the anime and manga - for the story's purpose - and merging it with events of my own devising. (Ex: In here, Kouga's jewel shards were never taken by Naraku.)_

_3.) If you're not into the pairing, don't bother with trying to negate my story; it is fanfiction and everyone who writes it can do as they please._

_4.) Rated as such for a lot of swearing. Like, really, Kouga cusses like a sailor in here. And sexual frustration is a must._

_5.) This takes place over the course of one year, at any point in the story-line the goddess Takahashi has created, with every season. Consider this chapter the very, very early spring._

_6.) I promise my AN won't be this long ever again._

_I own nothing. If I did, my demands would be endless, lengthy, and more than likely, costly. Also, they would defy the laws of physics and reason._

* * *

><p><em>"The value of identity of course is that so often with it comes purpose." ~Richard Grant<em>

Expectations were a permanent part of Kouga's existence. He accepted that willingly, without complaint or attempts to shirk the responsibility of his status onto someone else. It was decided before he was born that he would be the leader, the Prince of the Eastern wolf-tribe, and he never was one to barter with destiny, with the hands of the Fates themselves. Others looked up to him, and expected him to be their leader, ruthlessly strong, and of course, a prime example for the generations to come. He had a calling, a mental compass that tilted, twirled, and took his legs where he needed to go.

At least, that was how he once thought of his life, one month previously.

With the way that his thought pattern had shifted, his mind described the inner-situation in an over-played hyperbole of only the highest dramatic caliber. Even now he had a hard time distinguishing what exactly happened, or how. The moment the realization came, splintering through his previous mode of existence, he felt a clarity that made the stars appear as if they were rattling in the velvet skies, shaking with an earth-shattering moment of clarity. There was no orbit, there was levity, and he felt as if he was going mad.

It was not quite that extreme he knew, and Kouga took full responsibility for the foolish exaggerations that had run rampant in his mind.

It was a month before, for right then, the moon had fully risen in the skies. Kouga remembered how big the moon looked one month ago, and he recalled being scared to his very core, rattled beyond rational thought. Had Ginta or Hakkaku attempted to speak with him, they would have received no intelligent reply, merely a strand of incoherent babbling that had nothing to do with anything. Realizations, especially those that filled the heart with life-altering conclusions, were never very pretty to watch.

Currently, the moon was shielded by the wispy remnants of a half-finished cloud, and it swathed the moon in a gray blanket, as if to both comfort the orb and lull it into a state of somnolence. This was hardly the time for sleep, for there were words that had to be said, people that had to be consoled, and someone important to speak to...

Kouga felt the coppery tang of blood coat his tongue and he spat a few times, cursing loudly. He had no idea that he had even been chewing his lip, much less biting it hard enough to break the skin.

A sigh of exasperation slipped past his lips, and he shook his head, acknowledging the horror that _it_ was happening _again_.

Ever since the past month - or, as he deemed it the "night-where-he realized-something-awful-and-wonderful" - he caught himself staring off into the ether, looking at nothing, but staring nonetheless. This tended to happen when he was running with his pack mates, and sometimes, he discovered that he'd led them off in the opposite direction of where they were supposed to be going. Had he been the old Kouga, the one who blamed his personal down-falls on others, he would have cursed Ginta and Hakakku, clacked their heads together, and demanded why they didn't tell him they were running in the wrong direction for the better part of the day.

But he wasn't that person anymore, as strange as it was to admit. The instant he realized his navigational error, Kouga stopped immediately by a stream, bid his family to drink, and then he told them with enough chagrin to last a lifetime, that he was responsible for running them off course, into an oblique unknown.

He would never forget the looks on their faces when he'd admitted he was wrong. They had stared at him, blinked a few times, and then stared some more. Then, after a full minute of intense scrutiny - of which, Kouga didn't really think was necessary - they shrugged and said that everyone made mistakes. They had the memories of koi sometimes, and they forgave just as easily. He clapped their backs, thanked them, and then promptly left them in his dust.

Other than the ridiculous amount of day-dreaming and thinking he was doing - of which, he was relatively new at - he found that something was happening within his physical body. At first, Kouga thought that he was coming down with fever, that he had eaten some diseased kill, or both.

The first week it happened, Kouga remembered staring up through a cloistering of tree-branches, thinking that the word irony, a definition he never really understood until now, was the perfect term to describe this feeling. If he was dying, it was before he had the chance to come to a conclusion, to follow through on a barely-there plan that was forming in his mind during all of this thinking. Sometimes on these nights, he feared closing his eyes, for he truly thought he was dying from something, as pathetic as that was to admit.

Kouga found himself short of breath for no reason, his skin was prickly, almost as if he sensed an approaching lightning storm, and his heart thundered in his chest, knocking against his bones with the intensity of an enraged tribal drummer. Everything was intensified, every sense a physical live-wire.

Now Kouga also understood a new word: tragedy. It was a tragic thing to die with so much feeling inside of you, especially when the purpose of the emotion was for it to be released. If his body was going out, then he knew that he would die with this feeling inside of him, for he was too far away from the person that had become the source of his musings as of late.

After the week passed, Kouga realized that the skin-tingling prickles, the way his stomach churned, twisted and knotted, the sudden flush that came over his face and neck, and especially, the way his heart jumped out of nowhere had to do with _the feeling_. It was all tied together in this wicked, ever-tangled knot that interestingly enough, Kouga had no desire to escape from anytime soon. It was the biggest contradiction, the biggest moral plight he had ever faced.

It was also a clear indication that no part of this plan would be easy, especially if he thought that he was leaning in Death's doorway before the plan had the chance to come to fruition. If he was going to jump to every conceivable outcome, then he may as well have admitted defeat right then.

Kouga was never one for giving up, even when the odds were stacked so heavily against him, he could no longer see the skies. He simply faced these odds with a smirk, grinned, and charged head-first into battle, despite how he sometimes turned tail and ran away. He had known retreat; now he would know how it felt to attempt a true victory.

A gush of wind to his immediate left alerted Kouga to her arrival, snapping him from his inner-reverie. She was the one he had to talk to first, as strange as that seemed. The first steps were the most crucial, and from the way she was glaring at him, this would be the furthest thing from simple.

Ayame took one look at him, sighed and shook her head, the red pig-tails of her hair creating small crimson whips. She held her arm akimbo to the rest of her body, and with the way her hand was snugly tucked against her hip, the stance suited her. She looked ever the princess, albeit a very annoyed one.

"Kouga, what's up? Why did you want to meet with me, hmm?" Her emerald eyes flashed in the moonlight, and he saw more than anger there. There was curiosity, hurt, and above all, hope. Foolish, misconstrued hope that would never serve as anything other than wasted emotion. That was entirely his fault, and he choked back the rush of guilt he felt on her behalf.

He nodded to her in greeting. "Hey Ayame. I have something to tell you. It's gonna sound...pretty crazy." He broke eye-contact with her for a brief moment, but then he thought better of it. Now was hardly the time for cowardice, for feet-shuffling or looking at anything but her eyes. It was the time to be a prince.

Ayame's eyes softened, and she looked around the field they were in, as if to give him more time to come up with his words. It was quite the scenic route, a small clearing filled with tightly closed flower-buds, and a thick cluster of trees to his direct left. The silence was purged with the gurgling of a far-off brook, and the sound soothed him away from past shame, reminding him that _this _was what needed to be done.

Her trust of this moment was misplaced, for if she suspected that he was going to reveal some romantic intent, she was in for a painful wake-up call. It was the way it had to be. To be responsible, and to take charge of this seemingly uncontrollable situation, he had to begin one step at a time.

Ayame moistened her lips with her tongue, then ended the silence. "Should I sit down?" Kouga almost nodded, but he knew that if they sat down, she would inevitably get too close to him, and once he revealed to her his reasoning for bringing her here, she would more than likely cry, slap him or attempt to inflict bodily harm on his person. Either way the latter option would occur, but physical contact couldn't happen right then.

"No, I think we should stay standing." He cleared his throat, then began saying what should have been said a long, long time before. "Ayame, I don't love you." She opened her mouth to speak, and he noticed the way her lip trembled, the way that her eyes lost their verdant sheen. His words held such power over her and it sickened him. Shame coiled in his gut, but he refused to lose his nerve to self-pity. "Ayame, before I continue, please don't say anything until I finish." She blinked and then after an intense once-over, nodded. He could hear the sound of her heart breaking from here, and though it killed him to know he was causing her pain, it was for the best. "I love someone else..."

"Kagome, right? The human? She'll grow old and die! We're youkai, Kouga, and we're not meant to mingle with human affairs!" She was never really good at listening to him, especially when it mattered the most.

"Ayame...it's not her." Her mouth opened, but no words were spoken. Her eyes voiced the question: if not Kagome, the little shard-detector, then who? "That's what I wanted to tell you: I'm over Kagome, forever." Forever was a strong word, but he understood the severity of using it at this point in his life. Before, he had thrown around words such as marriage, forever, and especially, love. Hell, he hadn't known what such a meaning meant yet, and now, though he was in the thick of the feeling itself, he still didn't know quite what it meant.

"Is it...another human girl? A female wolf-demon?" He shook his head to both assumptions, and her eyes narrowed to the earth, as if she was running through a mental tabulation of every possible candidate. She would never guess correctly, even if she was given the entire evening. She was of quick mind, but Kouga knew that she wouldn't think of the possibility of him being interested in his own gender. He had to hand it to her: even when she was angry at him, no matter how testy she got, she always believed the best of him.

"No, it's no one like that." She gave him a look that said that he had better get on with it, lest she shove her foot down his throat. "It's Inuyasha." Her eyes widened, her mouth opened in a small O, and she inhaled a sharp breath.

She seemed to be waiting for the punch line, for the moment when he would tell her that it was all a joke, and that Ginta and Hakkaku were waiting in the bushes, laughing their tails off. That would never happen. The truth was many a terrible, liberating thing.

When Ayame saw the serious set to his face, any trace of humor vanished with the coming breeze. Her scent permeated the air around his nose, and he had to admit that she didn't smell bad at all, but very good. With all the time she spent in the mountains, her skin had a pine aroma, as well as the scent of the crisp winter air all at once. He was sure that her hair smelt the same way, if not like the iris she wore pinned on her head. However, it did nothing to elicit any sensual reaction in him.

"You're being serious, aren't you?" He nodded, and she took another breath. "Go on. Sorry for interrupting you." Her eyes fell to the grass, almost as if she was afraid to look him in the eye. He would have none of that.

"Ayame, please look at me." She didn't budge, much less roll her eyes up to meet his gaze. "Come on now...I want to explain this properly." Playfulness was replaced with austerity and eloquence, and when he adopted this persona, all those around him knew he meant business.

She nodded and looked him directly in the eye, both out of respect, and curiosity. "Okay. Tell me."

He took a deep breath, and began to speak. "First, I want you to know that you have every right to blame me. Really, I'd be pissed if someone saved me, told me they'd marry me, and then became infatuated with a human. Be as mad as you'd like. You can even kick my ass if you want; I won't stop you." She remained rooted to the spot, then nodded her head curtly, motioning that he could continue. "I also want to formerly release you from what I said." Pride be damned, he had to go to his knees.

His kneecaps hit the earth, and he looked up at Ayame. In a backwards time, in a mirror image of this event, this was how humans proposed. He was doing the opposite however: setting her free from his puerile promise of royal youkai matrimony. "Ayame of the Northern wolf-tribe, I set you free from any promise I made, from any and all obligations, intentions, and responsibilities I've placed on you from this moment forward. You're free to choose any mate you want, and you don't need to impress me, or my clan, any longer." He figured that was as good a speech as he was going to give right now.

Ayame took a step backwards, almost as if she did not want to believe what was happening. That was the truth of reality: one had to step forward to begin accepting it. She knew this, took two steps forward, and with grim resolve, nodded.

"You don't have to be on your knees." She held out her hand, and though there was pain in her tear-filled eyes, she helped him to his feet.

The moment he was righted, she kicked him squarely in the jaw. He reeled back, shook his head a few times, and he couldn't help but grin.

"_There's_ the Ayame I know." He felt a small smile play on his lips, one that wasn't taunting, but filled with a puppy-play of sorts. It was also a grimace, a quirk of the mouth of one who knew he was getting exactly what he deserved. "Come on, I know you're mad at me. Get it all out."

Ayame stood there, fuming, panting, glaring, and then she was upon him. Her small fists spared his body nothing, and for that he was glad. The last thing he wanted was a menial punishment, especially since he was so deserving of this beating. She screamed at him, and the scent of salt in the air sliced directly through bone, meeting his heart. The physical pain did not bother him much, for it only stung; what hurt, was the thought that he had inadvertently wasted this female's youth and more importantly, her time. She deserved to live without this heartbreak. This gift of his silence, the gift of simply standing there and taking this was the least he could offer her, but she would take nothing else from him. It was the purest form of closure: punching the one who had wronged you in the kisser.

She did not stop there. Ayame scratched him a few times, tugged his hair free from the band with skilled claws, and finally, delivered a round-house kick to his stomach. He winced and let out a steady release of breath, falling over from the painful sensations that enveloped his body. Black dots ebbed to and from his line of vision, and he coughed, tasting blood. These were merely surface wounds and would heal in a few minutes, if he was allowed to rest. What mattered he knew, was that Ayame healed.

Ayame's breath steadied, the breeze climaxed once more, and he was allowed his rest. He gripped the grass beneath him, shook his head a few times to clear it, and he stood, knowing the hardest part was over. Now it was the festering aftermath that had to be looked after.

He cracked his neck, bound his hair up again, and took a deep breath. There would be plenty of questions, and he would answer them to the best of his ability, even beyond that if need be. After nearly getting his brain stem knocked loose by a vengeful female, he gave new credence to the phrase, "Hell hath no fury."

Her exasperated sigh broke his train of thought. "Inuyasha?" He nodded, and he knew she yearned to ask why, why a mere half-breed had won favor over her, how this had happened, and above all, how the hell he could find it in himself to love someone who was supposed to be his rival. Whoever said that things didn't change deserved a moment in his position, merely to feel what it was like to be on the cusp of this stage of fragile metamorphosis.

His bad decisions had led to this moment of clear-sight, and he knew what needed to be done. "Yes, him. It sounds crazy, but it's true."

She threw her arms in the air, and began to pace. In the moonlight, she looked like some sort of vengeful faerie that had taken human form, merely to scold him and point out everything wrong with this feeling. It was not like he didn't already know the complications it arose, the rumors it would spread, or the immediate change his life would take if word got out. However, he was willing to listen nonetheless, for she deserved to vent.

"Kouga, what are you going to do about your post? You're the leader! The Prince! What about children, pups, a mate..." she halted in mid-stride, almost as if she was considering some gruesome possibility. The moment he understood _what_ she was thinking about, his face wrinkled in disgust, and he felt it challenging to suppress gagging noises.

"Ayame, that's fucking impossible." Screw eloquence, that was just...wrong. "Inuyasha can't bear me pups. I mean, we're guys...the parts don't work right...the plumbing is wrong..." he was sure his entire face had turned an embarrassing shade of red, the same red as the once half-breed's haori. Once half-breed, for Kouga made a promise to himself to never call Inuyasha that ever again. He shook his head, banning any and all images of _that_ and focused on what was possible, what he would make damn possible even if it killed him.

Ayame sighed and rubbed a hand through her hair. She seemed to be more peeved than anything, but it was clear that the thirst for the physical desire to inflict violence on him had passed. "Kouga, what are you going to do? Abandon your post?"

Truth be told, he had no fucking clue. However, it was a possibility.

Kouga shrugged, and his nonchalance made a sharp red-light cross Ayame's eyes. "Sure. If that's what it takes. I'll give it up if I need to."

Her jaw dropped with the way he spoke of his title, almost as if he was merely discussing giving away a present he did not want anymore. "That's so irresponsible! What will the ancestors say? My grandfather, the leaders before you, the pack, my pack...what will everyone think?"

It was then that every emotion, the building rage and panic, the tingling feeling of this new-found love and the volition it inspired came to a thundering, physical crest.

For the lack of a better, prettier word, Kouga exploded. "I don't give a flying fuck what anyone thinks! I never have, nor will I begin now! I'm the Prince, right, the leader? Then I'll just resign and give the responsibility over to someone else. I mean, it's responsible of me to admit that I'm not fit to lead just because I fell in love with Inuyasha, right?" He snarled, and he knew that his eyes were narrowed into nothing more than blue slits. The anger was not solely directed towards Ayame, but to the entirety of the situation, and what would indubitably arise from it. He was glaring at the world entire, the fucking lot of it.

Ayame stepped back a few feet, then stood her ground. "I never said any of that...it's just blood, Kouga. "

"Yeah, well, fuck that! Screw whoever claimed I don't have a choice! We all have a choice! We do. We have to." He narrowed his eyes at her, almost as if daring her to oppose him so that he could verbally raze any remark she could have made. She was silent. "Whatever. I'm sure the thought crossed your mind at least once, that I'm not fit to rule because of who I prefer in my bed, right?" She flushed scarlet, tears brimming her eyes once more and he knew that a line had been crossed from his anger. His damn temper, it always got the best of him.

_'Baby steps.' _Kouga took a deep breath as an excuse to not speak anymore and shame himself further. "Ayame...I'm sorry. Believe me, if I would have known that I'd fall for that wonderful half-breed, I would have high-tailed it to the mountains and never come back again. I'll just give the title to Ginta or Hakkaku, they'll make terrific leaders." He figured if he got in the habit of using an adjective before the word half-breed, it would make the term less harmful. Also, he figured that if he joked around a little more, awful situations would be even less.

The tenor of her laughter blistered through the anger in the air, and before long, the wind blew away their tension. There was still plenty of hurt, awkwardness, and all of the other wonderful emotions that came after such a display, but Kouga was fine with that.

"You're...you're crazy!" She clutched her stomach, and her tears were of mirth, not of anguish. He shrugged, and could not help the smile that tugged at his lips. She really was a good girl, an extraordinary person who would make some lucky male-wolf very, very happy.

"Yeah, well, I'm full of surprises tonight. Besides, you're pretty familiar with matters of the heart. You're familiar with persistence. Well, now it's my turn." Ayame shook her head, wiped at her eyes, and then straightened her posture. She met his eyes, and looked at him for so long, he wondered if he would melt into a puddle, burst into flames, or both once she was done with her scrutiny. Either she was mentally reciting some sort of death spell on him that would give him hell for the rest of his days...or she was just looking at him for a long moment, for she knew that this was the last she would see of the foolish wolf who held her heart for a long while.

Kouga knew he was not a bad guy, far from it. However, he was just not right for her, and he was not the man of her dreams, the one who would be mated to her for life. He was a wolf on a mission, someone who wanted to tear Naraku apart with his bare hands for what he did to his clan, and as of late, stop at nothing to make Inuyasha his.

"...are you sure? You really didn't mean what you said, about the promise?" It was as much a question as it was a statement.

That was the thing about a rainbow, he realized in a flash of epiphany, and promises that were made and believed would be kept: the significance faded just as easily. They were brilliant colors, pretty words but they dissolved with the approaching dawn.

"No. I was stupid to even say that. I must have been high on something. The air was thick with something that night." She chuckled briefly, but with the frown on her lips, he knew that it would be a long, long time before she ever laughed at any humor he attempted on her again. What happened before had been a fluke. "Believe me, Ayame: you don't want me. Hell, I doubt Inuyasha even will."

The moment he spoke those words out-loud he realized two things: he was both brave and stupid, and that was his worst fear. That was so incredibly sappy, cheesy, corny...but it was true. Even if that meant that he had turned into some sap-sucking, cheese-eating, corn-picking fool, so be it.

Kouga shook his head and massaged his temples. He honestly had no idea what had gotten into him lately. His mind was coming up with the stupidest shit.

_'Maybe that's what this love thing is all about...heh, go figure.'_

"I'll help you." Kouga blinked a few times, and resisted the urge to rub his finger in his ear. Did he just hear that Ayame would help him? Help him with what? Talk to the elders and the head-honchos in charge of the entirety of the wolf-clans? As helpful as that would be...

Then it dawned on him like a slant of blinding light. "What? No!" She looked taken aback, and to his utter disbelief, crestfallen. He softened a little, for he knew that this was admirably mature of her. After getting her heart broken by him, the last thing he expected was for her to offer up her services to get the guy. Get the guy...yes, he had officially lost his mind now.

"What I meant is, that you don't need to feel obligated, Ayame. This is something I gotta do on my own. If it's not done by me, I don't really deserve it, you know?" Heaven above, he was talking about a potential and very fatuous attempt at courtship with Inuyasha. His sanity was probably sprouting little wings and flying off into the skies now, laughing about how it had been nice knowing him.

Ayame spoke, and her words were a comfort. "I understand. That part anyways." She shook her head, and a brief laugh escaped her lips. "Inuyasha...I never would have guessed in a million centuries that it would be him. He's a lucky guy." She looked to the sky for a moment, and with the way the mercurial bands of light fell from the heavens in strips of white-washed color, she looked like the epitome of a girl...no, a _woman_ in the midst of realization. Ayame was coming to her own conclusions, even if she did practically break his jaw to gain mental insight. "If there's anything you need, you know where to find me." Her voice was deceiving, for he knew that she was in true pain, for it was obvious on her face. Tears leaked from her eyes, her lips were trembling, but her voice was strong, resolute. She was learning how to be strong as well.

He wished he could be the good guy, the right guy for her, and just take her in his arms to comfort her. He would do no such thing, for all that would serve was more time spent giving her mixed signals. Nothing but honesty would come from him, from now on. It felt so vindicating.

"I will. Take care, Ayame." She nodded, and then became a silver tornado of speed. He blinked, and she was gone.

Kouga shook his head, sighing out-loud. This love thing was pretty fucking complicated. First he thought he was dying, then he came up with a half-assed plan...and then he just got out of a marriage he never wanted. This feeling made people and youkai alike do some crazy, terrible, wonderful things.

With Ayame gone, his head was clear from all but the deluge of emotions that threatened to pull him under. Part of him wanted to beg her to come back, not for her love or for anything sensual, but merely because his pride was on the line, not to mention his family blood-line. Years upon years, wasted, all because he thought he loved someone who more than likely hated him.

Hate. The line between the word love, a word that had countless meanings, and hate, a word that had a concrete definition was not as different as he once thought.

Simplicity. Normalcy. Kouga had no idea what that looked like anymore.

But Kouga knew what such terms felt like. He felt it when he ran, when all he knew was the sound of his feet hitting the forest floor, bending twigs and the grass beneath his feet. He felt it when his chest thrummed with energy and vigor, when his lungs worked hard to support both the exercise and the instinct to go, to flee, to fly. That was still fairly normal, a constant in his world.

_'Not for long.' _He knew that the only way for any of this to be possible was to give up the jewel shards, the ones that made him worthy to rule, worthy to marry. Although, if it was as easy to give up an entire throne and title with the yanking of a few pieces of a jewel, then he would do it right then.

Not needing any forewarning, he broke into a dead-sprint. Kouga felt the power of the shards emanate through his entire being, a sacred flame fanning his soul, one that whispered promises in the crackling of fire, promises of power and strength of which no one had ever known. That voice would be extinguished, as if a god had bit the tip of the eternal wick, cutting off his source from the capability of the jewel.

_'It never really belonged to me anyways. I'll give it up.'_

The world became a blur of frenzied images, but he saw it all, the entire picture: there was the sky directly above him, hovering in a hollowed out bowl of dark, swirling colors. Stars were mixed in, spilling over the sides in a bridge of constellations and galaxies where his ancestors roamed the heavens on celestial fields, their howls creating the dawn. And there was the moon, the very being that had elicited such a change deep within himself, a change he could hardly fathom.

With the way the light was pouring down on his moving figure, he could not help but think of the light as silver. Humans with their poor eye-sight would never be able to see it, but instead of the turquoise glow of the moon, it was mainly white, a liquid pearl of color.

It was just like his freaking hair. Kouga had never seen such pretty hair on another male before. Sure, some of the leaders of the wolf clan enjoyed grooming themselves until even the ticks on their pelt were shining, but he was never really into the vanity thing. He preferred the necessities, and nothing more.

However, towards the object of his affections, thoughts, and feelings, Inuyasha was the exception. Aside from that finely clothed, human-collecting half-brother of his with the flashy armor and swords, Kouga had never really seen anyone with such long, silver hair. If you counted Ayame's grandfather however, or the occasional wolf-pelt, his view on the color was severely lacking. Hair that long tended to be a nuisance, which was why he always bound his up and back with his leather hair-strap, along with the tie. His father had given it to him 150 years ago, and it had not broke or been misplaced once.

Inuyasha's hair more than likely never tangled. He had never touched it, but he imagined it was like running his hands over a current of silk-smooth water, a rumbling of a wave that remained still just for him. That sort of feeling. The color was as white as snow that had not been soiled by filthy paws or mud-caked soles, and just as pure as the lightest quicksilver. His ears were just the same shade, and inside, there were little pink spots that reminded him of the younger pups in his clan, back in the caves and mountains.

Inuyasha was a bit of a contradiction then: beautiful, but ever so innocent, despite his sharp tongue and subjective temper.

Kouga shook his head, thinking that if there was a way he could wish his thoughts to an immediate stand-still, he would take the offer in a heart-beat.

The forest was black, but he could see everything clearly, perhaps more clearly than it had ever been. He smiled and worked his legs harder, pumping his arms into the stride. He dodged trees, boulders, the occasional fallen log with ease, and leaped over a large stream, one that was so wide, he didn't think he would clear it. He did though, and when he landed, he gave a loud cry of triumph. Luck was on his side, and as far as he was concerned, Fate.

Kouga finally paused his energetic and somewhat feverish run, and he smiled, realizing he had arrived at his desired point. This was his special thinking spot, a place that he used to go to if he wanted to think and escape everyone for just a little while. So many memories of training here, of laughing with people he cared about, and simply relishing the solitude were spent here.

It was a cliff-side that fell away into a large open expanse of land. From the vantage point, one could see all of the rivers and streams, fields of both crops and flowers, animal migrations, and most importantly, the sunrise. He would witness the golden tide of light bathing the entirety of the picturesque scene, setting the world on fire, along with his steady volition.

For a long time, he just stood there, absorbing what he had done, what he wanted to do, and what had yet to be. There was still so much that could potentially go wrong, so many factors working against him that he would wind up flat on his back, not knowing which way was up. There were risks involved, risks that would hurt not only his life and heart, but the life and heart of Inuyasha as well. When something as strange and as unrivaled as maybe-but-maybe-not unrequited love came about, there was no cosmic rule about it. He would just go with it, do what felt right at the time, and above all, not give up.

Unless Inuyasha expressed nothing for him. When he told him, there would be shock, the jaw-dropping awe that came when you revealed out of the clear blue that you adored someone. There would be anger, for either Inuyasha would think he was luring him into a false sense of security, or just doing this for some elaborate joke. It was not simply an understatement that Inuyasha did not trust easily.

If, Kouga promised himself, even after all of his persistence and attempts to be with the once half-breed failed...then he would move on. Nothing was worse than someone proclaiming their undying love and devotion for you, day in and day out, until all you wanted to do was either scream and run away, or scream, say that it could never work out, and then run away.

But for now, there would be no running.

"Look at me now, Pop; your boy's all grown up." Kouga said this to no one and everyone, nothing and everything. Though both of his parents were buried, their bodies long since decayed, their spirits roaming the velvet frontier forever, he felt as if he was speaking directly to them. "You too, Mom. I'm grown up, and I'm taking responsibility." It might not have been in the way any of them had expected, but the truth was that he was doing it, regardless of past expectations.

Though there were politics of being part of the wolf-clans, everyone still held the creed of instinct deep within their bones. All wolves, no matter who they were, thirsted to run free, to be unbound by the characteristics of humans, of man, and of anything that took them away from the nature they so desired. By nature, that meant the literal green earth beneath their feet, or the way their inner-desires spoke. If they wanted food, they killed for it. If they wanted adventure, they searched for it by any means. And if they wanted love, they strove towards it, for wolf love was said to be the best sort of love there was. The instinct for romantics was simple: let the one you care for know of your intentions, and go from there.

It was simple, and Kouga would try and keep it that way. Even if it meant that he would be the butt of the joke for a long time, maybe even for the rest of his life, that was a risk he was willing to take. No...not just take, but thrive in, declare ownership over, and above all, relish. He would not let any pompous adversary that happened to be in the position of leadership take a jab at him just because of his sexuality. So he liked males, big freaking deal. It did not make him any less of a youkai, less than a male, and he would set anyone who dared quarrel with him straight on the matter.

The entire prerogative sounded dramatic, yet it held an austere undertone. It was true: love, and the matters of the heart, were never something to be treated lightly. He'd done that twice before, and it had wound him in a heap of trouble.

His mother had always called him straightforward, and his father always called him a wise-ass with a good heart; now was his chance to prove both were true.

With the dawn's first light, Kouga thrust open his arms, almost as if he yearned to embrace the light, joining it in its gilded song over the valley. He closed his eyes, and the frosty air of the beginning sunlight coasted over his skin in an unmatched warmth. This felt wonderful.

In this moment, he felt like he was literally embracing Fate. Whether or not he really believed in Fate, he had no clue. What he did know however, was that there had to be some sort of cosmic driving force behind what took place in life, and he was ready for it; he had arrived at his conclusion.

Limpid-blue eyes opened, a smile graced a ruggedly handsome face, and in a flash of steel armor and dark-honey fur, Kouga was off to create part two of his plan.

_1-Yes, I poked fun at male-pregnancy, for that's just impossible._

_2-I don't hate Ayame, but I do dislike her about as much as I do Kagome._

_3-Four more chapters to go, surprises ahead, and something involving a cliffhanger, in both the figurative and literal sense of the word._


	2. Infuriating

_Thank you all for the story alerts, favorites, and for just loving the Inuyasha/Kouga-ness. I must showcase three people, for they were the first to review this story: __**nicolemarkee **__on deviantArt, __**kawaiitaylor **__and __**pumpkinpi**__. Thank you, dears. :)_

_In this chapter, there's a very funny but interesting philosophy on love, banter, swearing, anger, and a whole heap of character development. If you had not noticed by now, I like breaking open facets of my favorite characters, pairing them together in funny ways that fall into my "oops" way of romance, and exploring aspects of who they are. There will be naughtiness afoot though, hold onto your hats._

_(In the next chapter, on a story-related note, I will be showcasing a few songs that I think suit this story, Kouga's perception on life, and the attraction that will be stirred)._

_I own nothing. If I did, we're talking pages and pages of hentai for these two, and heaps of Naraku/Sesshomaru. Yes, I did just write that._

* * *

><p><em>"When love is not madness, it is not love." Pedro Calderon de la Barca<em>

There was a time when every leader, no matter who they were, had to resort to desperate measures to get their point across. The same could be said for Kouga, for he had a half-baked plan to go on, but not much else. The course of necessary action was in a few steps, and if there was one thing he took comfort it, it was that everything he was doing now would get him where he wanted to be. Immobility, that limbo-state that he despised got him nowhere fast. If humans, youkai, and really anything that lived wanted something, all they had to do was take steps to procure what they desired, no matter what it was. Movement was what mattered, actions and steps toward the ultimate prize.

However, this was not just _some_ prize, _some_ conquest that would prove his masculinity, title, or rank to the entirety of the wolf-clans, if not the world in length. This was something much more minute and miniscule compared to true feats of the mind. However, if anyone told him that love and following through on feelings was pathetic, much less a waste of time, he would waste no time in beating them to a bloody-pulp, promptly leaving them tied to a rock in the forest to teach them a lesson.

This was one of the toughest battles he had ever faced. Forget Naraku and all of his familiars, forget the Birds of Paradise; _this_ was the fight that would define him.

If he followed through on that thought, he came to another conclusion: the battles that mattered the most rarely happened outside of the mind. He then congratulated himself on learning something new out of this, scratched his chin a few times, and then focused on his plan.

All Kouga knew was that if he continued coasting along on this self-made volition that he conjured up after three sleepless nights, a lot of pacing, and thoughts that bordered on insanity, he was certain to attain victory.

Phase one had been in meeting with Ayame and giving her a deal that would exempt her from any claims he had on her heart. The last thing he wanted was to chain someone down under petty, nebulous obligations. She had kicked him good because he had broken her heart, but he knew that she would bounce back very soon, for it was just in her way. Some lucky wolf would be honored to rule at her side, as her mate and prince.

Phase two was a little more involved. Not nearly as complicated as explaining himself to the wolf-clan, enduring their ridicule and taunts about his sexual dexterity, but it came pretty damn close.

Either way, he was right where he needed to be, as of right then.

He skidded to a halt, spraying a mist of gravel and dust that coated the morning in a miring of earth-induced fog. Here was the campsite, the place where he left Ginta and Hakkaku early last night. He expressed that he would be back in the morning, and until then, they could wander about as they liked so long as they returned to that spot come the dawn. They agreed to his terms - as always - but afterwards, they continued their scrutiny, almost as if they suspected he was some Naraku-counterpart in the guise of their pack leader and friend. It was both unsettling and embarrassing to be treated so strangely, considering the years they had known one another. However, he knew that he would be doing the same thing if he was in their position, and the leader of the trio he followed began acting nicer. Nicer meant out-of-his-character which meant one thing: he had neglected them for years.

Both Ginta and Hakkaku always complained that he didn't care about their feelings. They were correct in that statement, as painful a truth as that was to face. There was nothing redeeming about the way he treated them, as if their heads were filled with rocks, and with his constant jabs at their intelligence, no matter if they were in jest, did not help matters in the least. Had he been in their position, he would have challenged _any_ leader who treated him in such a way, no matter if it meant being forced to submit to their power in the end; he wouldn't tolerate that, and he had no idea why they had for so long. He was surprised that neither of the two had attempted violent rebellion, or had tried to fight him for the position of leadership. All they were guilty of was complaining and telling him, albeit occasionally, that he didn't care about their well-being. They were both sensitive souls, but despite that, they would go to any lengths to protect him.

He had been a stubborn, insolent fool if he thought he could continue with such behavior and emerge unscathed. Sooner or later, had he not recognized this in time, his actions would have caught up with him and he would have been in for a world of hurt. In a worst case scenario, Ginta and Hakkaku would have abandoned him as friends, comrades, alienating him from even the bonds of brotherhood.

He thanked whatever god that was on his side - or on the sidelines, laughing their godly asses off - that he had realized this now, before it had been too late to rectify the situation.

Presently, Ginta and Hakkaku were snoring at the river bank. They were curled up next to one another, almost as if they were in true wolf forms, and with the way that their chests rose and fell, in a gentle, syncopated rhythm, they were still ensconced in slumber. Hakkaku mumbled something about wanting to chase a deer, and Ginta had a snot bubble coming out of his nose, one that was bound to pop sooner or later.

He couldn't bring it in himself to rouse them. Not before breakfast at least.

With a gentle look that would have floored any on-looker, Kouga took off into the forest. If it was venison they wanted...

_ikikikiki_

Sometime later, Kouga heard Ginta and Hakkaku stir, murmurs about how that was the best sleep they had gotten in a long time. They scratched their sides, stretched their muscles and presently tackled one another into the river. Water splashed, and the mingling sound of laughter filled the morning with a joyful symphony, an amity that was known only by friendship.

"Hey, Kouga's back!" Hakkaku shook himself off and raced over to the fire where Kouga had been standing. "Welcome back!"

"Yeah, welcome back! We didn't know when you'd be back...sorry about...well..." Ginta gestured to his drenched state, gave Kouga an embarrassed grin that showcased his dimples, and shrugged.

Kouga eyed the two of them, felt a grin split his face into a friendly smile, and he promptly launched himself at them. This resulted in an awkward tangling of limbs, and with his pack mates' lack of balance, they all fell into the river. Had it been a shallow pool, all of them would have broken their necks or something of equal importance on their person. Luckily, gods were on their sides that morning, and the pool was well-suited for spontaneity, especially when it was as welcome as this.

Ginta surfaced, sputtered, and grinned so wide, Kouga knew that he would be wearing that goofy smile all day long. "Hey! You're in a good mood! Did you finally manage to make a move on sister Kagome?"

Hakkaku squirted water out of his mouth, fell back into the water, then began doing the backstroke around the pair. "Yeah Chief, tell us! Was your business with sister Kagome?" Once the inquiry was spoken, the lively wolves exchanged a secret-but-not-so-secret look that revealed their worries: that if they thought to ask what his business had been, considering it wasn't any of their business, they would get scolded.

This bullshit ended now. Kouga had enough with the petty trivialities of blood, of rank, and above all, on being a prince. Princes were supposed to be benign and charismatic, and above all, treat others with the respect and the dignity that they deserved, especially if they were family.

"Ginta, Hakkaku...I caught us some breakfast." He grinned, knowing the act was more of a defense mechanism, a frantic pinch of his lips that was painful to create. It more than likely looked like a grimace, as if he had just been punched in the gut instead of enjoying a peaceful moment with his pack mates. "I'll uh...tell you where I've been." He rose to his full height, walked out of the river, shook himself a few times, and chastised himself the entire time in his mind.

_'Whatever happened to being brave, huh? Snap out of it...stick with the plan!'_

"Hey, this looks great! Thanks Kouga!" Kouga nodded absently to Hakkaku, thinking all the while about how to approach the subject. He figured that by forthrightly saying, "Hey guys, I'm not in love with Kagome, for Inuyasha's the handsome devil I want for my own" was an incredibly foolish way of revealing the truth. It did not sound like him, not in the least. He chuckled aloud, for this entire situation was completely insane.

_'It's not supposed to be sane...that's what makes this love thing so fun.' _Fun. It was more like a royal pain-in-the-ass, a revelation that knocked him over backward and made him act a fool...but it was brilliant all the while, beautiful even in these awkward moments of racing thoughts and revelations.

He was blunt but he was never the type to reveal life-altering truths, much less inner-secrets, no matter how comfortable he was with someone. He had to be given quite a beating before he would admit that he had made a mistake. His pride, his precious masculine wolf-prince ego was on the line...but nevermore. Pride be damned, he had to speak these words.

It would be vindicating, revealing himself like this to his brothers and pack mates. It would also be terrifying, embarrassing on every level from hell to high-heaven and it would leave him feeling completely vulnerable, a feeling he despised with everything in him. That being said, no one liked to feel weak.

Kouga blinked a few times and realized that he had been staring at the ground - a rock, to be exact - as if every answer to the mysteries of the universe was held in the blunt and obtuse edges of the stone. Koga the Magnificent, Rock Whisperer...

He met the confused looks of both Ginta and Hakkaku and realized with a start that they were waiting for his approval to eat. How he could have forgotten the tradition of waiting for the leader to eat, or being given permission to eat was beyond him, considering it was an instinctive rule of the wolf-clan. Stupid, lengthy, metaphoric thoughts on life, brotherhood, and that worrisome word of _love_ would do that to someone.

"Go on and eat. I'll tell you guys what's up afterwards." Kouga had killed two deer and instead of eating the entirety of one himself, he split the animals into even pieces and gave them two legs each, and a bunch of the fat and muscle on the side. This was very, very rare of him to do, for any wolf-prince to do for that matter. Hunting was a group-effort as much as it was a social event, a way to prove your strength and worth to the pack. It was very uncommon for a wolf - much less a prince - to hunt for his pack on a random day. The exception to the rule was if one was sick or wounded but that was certainly not the case on this day.

So it was with great mental concentration that Kouga grabbed the meat, tore into it with his fangs, and gulped it down as if he had not eaten in weeks. Ginta and Hakkaku shrugged and delved into their own meal as if it was the rare food of a royal banquet instead of just a fat buck that happened to wander too close to their leader's line of vision. They enjoyed themselves, and Kouga noted that they were taking care to use manners; they did not suck on the bones, lick their chops, or showcase anything but the utmost decorum.

That was very kind of them, but it was unnecessary to practice this sort of propriety in the wilderness. Even if they were back in the caves and it was meal-time, everyone present would have cared less about manners and more about the food they were consuming, even the royalty.

After a moment of gnawing on a leg-bone, Kouga sighed, set the bone down, and turned to face his pack brethren. "Alright, this is gonna sound strange. You're gonna look at me funny, think Naraku's replaced my mind with some miniature brain incarnation...or something."

Ginta swallowed, and Hakkaku's eyes opened wide, as if he was mentally tabulating a list of what might have been the topic of conversation.

Ginta spoke first, and from the panic in his eyes, Kouga wondered if he thought that he was dying. "Kouga...nothing you say will change anything. We don't care what it is...right, Hakkaku?" Hakkaku nodded furiously, as if his mind was coming up with answers to Kouga's made-believe admittance.

Kouga felt a genuine smile spread across his lips, and he nodded to the both of them. "Thanks, I appreciate that. Really." He looked them both directly in the eye, and he saw the dread that spread over their features within moments. From the looks of it, they must have thought that he had been cursed by a vengeful goddess or something, and only had a day to live. "Don't worry, I'm not dying or anything." That was true, for he was not dying. He was however, in the deepest sense of the word - no matter how painfully corny it sounded, how cheesy, how sappy - he was being reborn. In order for something to be reborn, it had to die first, which meant that his pride was breathing its last. "It involves Kagome and Ayame as well. And Inuyasha." The first two names came out of his mouth, meaning no more to him than the scattered order of letters and words, syllables and phrases that made up the females' names.

When he said Inuyasha's name however, his body knew how significant the mere word was. It felt as if he had become a dragon with the way his throat was suddenly on fire, every pore in his body vibrating, preparing himself for the inevitable flare, the rush of his pulse that came when he said the name. Kouga found it pathetic that by merely speaking a name, he became something else, something that was not him.

_'Nah, it's not pathetic. I like it.' _"Right. I'll just come right out and say it: I'm not interested in making Kagome my woman anymore." _His woman_. He had been incredibly foolish to think that by calling and verbally claiming a free-spirited girl with the title "his" that he would have any chance with her. She was not his, nor would she ever be.

To say that Ginta and Hakkaku were floored would have been the understatement of the century. Their jaws dropped, their eyes widened, and shock became them. They sputtered, attempted to form a question, and when speaking failed them, they just stared at him as if he had lost his mind. Perhaps he had, for this was the truest form of insanity there was and ever would be.

He did not want to drive them crazy with this prolonged silence, so Kouga decided just to come right out and say it. "I'm not in love with her, Ayame, or anyone like that. It's Inuyasha." Ginta scratched his scalp, Hakkaku cocked his head to the left and their eyes remained unchanged, vacant, as if they relied on more of an explanation than what was provided for them.

Before he lost his valor for the truth, he just said it. "Geez, you're gonna make me spell it out, aren't ya? It's Inuyasha. I like him the way that I did Kagome. My affections are now on him, he gives me butterflies...ya know. In that way." Butterflies. Yes, he had lost it.

His brother's worlds, for the most part, exploded. Ginta's jaw dropped and Kouga bit back a comment that stated that flies would find his open mouth a suitable place to live, and Hakkaku inhaled so deeply, he choked on his own saliva. To say the least, the brothers fell into an endless pit of chaos. The truth was hard to say, but above all, never pretty to watch.

"What? Kouga...are you crazy? We thought you loved Kagome! She's your woman!" Kouga shook his head.

"No, she's _not_. She never once wanted to be mine. I was stupid to think she did anything but tolerate me. Hell, would you like it if someone constantly interrupted your travels, all to give you flowers and compliments? I'd hate it if someone did that to me." _'Anyone but Inuyasha that is, but he'd never do that.'_

"But...we thought..." both of them trailed off in their confused stupor, and for the moment, they were at a loss for words. Their expressions were purely effusive, and their faces conveyed so many emotions at once, Kouga was unsure what to think. Consternation was the most prevalent, for it was in the way their eyes narrowed, signifying how their minds were trying to wrap around the idea. Shock was there too, buried deep beneath the veneer of the initial confusion. Kouga also wondered if, somewhere in their tumult of feelings, they felt betrayed. He had no idea _why_ they would feel that way, for in all honesty, this had nothing to do with them, and it didn't reflect on them.

Wait...yes, it did. This would change everything for them. They would no longer look at him as the same Kouga who had played with them when they were little more than pups, the same Kouga that left them in his dust, or the same Kouga who constantly submitted to ornery remarks about their sensitivity to certain things. He was not the same person who led them against the Birds of Paradise, nor the same person that led them in their quest against Naraku. It affected them far more than it did him, no matter if he was the one influenced by this "love thing."

There was no back-pedaling, no retracing of his steps; what was said could not be unsaid, and in this moment, in the jarring, ice-cold panic and pleasure of the seconds, he knew that this was the right thing to do. He was asking them to participate in a privy of sorts, a secret that would alter their perception of him, his not-just-yet love life, and ultimately, their journey in total.

Kouga realized that as he was thinking, he began chewing his lip again. He had never been known for petty oral fixations, or habits that would shape who he was; however, during this interminable period of time that he had uncovered this epiphany, he was reduced to this. It was maddening, infuriating, and it made him feel not like himself anymore. Blood ran down his throat, and he sighed aloud, not knowing what to think.

"Kouga...we don't care. This doesn't change anything, you're still our leader." Ginta met his gaze, and he smiled without strain.

Hakkaku met his eyes, and he gave a little shrug of his shoulders. "It's not that big of a deal, really. Inuyasha's good-looking, fast, quick in battle, and he's on our side; he's worthy of you." Kouga could not help himself: he busted into hearty laughter, and before long, the air vibrated with heartfelt guffaws from the trio. He was wrong once again, and he had severely underestimated the power of friendship; love would do that to someone, make them second-guess everything, even the blood-bonds.

"Hakkaku...are you sure you don't have a bit of a crush on him as well?" Kouga grinned so wide, he felt like his face would be permanently implanted with his smile. Hakkaku's shock at the claim, right down to the way his left eye twitched indicated that it was most certainly _not_ the case, and it made Kouga laugh harder. "I'm just giving you a hard time."

The moment passed, and a more austere mood filled the air, slicing joviality in half, again and again, until all that remained were the questions that needed answers, and a further explanation.

"Go on." Kouga straightened his back, took a deep breath, and met their eyes once more. "Ask away. I know you're dying to know how this happened."

Both Ginta and Hakkaku exchanged a look that indicated that they knew precisely what the other was thinking and furthermore, what they wanted to say. Sometimes Kouga wondered if they were clairvoyant, or just simply in-tune with one another's thoughts. Regardless, their anticipation was nearly palpable.

"So...it's true that you're...in love with Inuyasha?" Kouga nodded, wondering if that was it. He still had no idea what love really was, but if this throat-tightening, pulse-pounding, infuriating _feeling_ that came whenever the sword-wielding hanyou came to mind, then he figured he had some idea on how to explain himself.

"What about Kagome?" Kouga decided that was the perfect starting place.

"She's someone who I focused my sights on. She's powerful, and she can see the jewel shards, but that's it. I guess I just wanted her on my side as a strong tool or something, which doesn't sound very nice when you put it that way." He met their eyes, and made sure that this sentence ensconced itself permanently in his brothers' minds. "I never loved her."

"And Ayame?" Kouga was thankful that the night before proved to be productive, regardless of getting hit in the face with a well-timed foot. He could tell the truth about this.

"I released her from the promise, and told her exactly what I'm telling you right now. That's where I was last night, the business that I had to attend to. I was honest with her and I freed her from the promise I made. We're never getting married, and after she kicked my ass, I think she understood." Ginta chuckled, and Hakkaku nodded, almost as if he was in rapt attention to Kouga's words.

"That was very brave...she's scary when she's mad." Kouga chuckled, thinking all the while that they had no idea.

"Yeah, she is." Kouga felt the last of the remaining tension leave his body, almost as if the mid-morning sun exorcized any deterrence that may have lingered, like a restless phantom intent on haunting him. He released the epitome of relief from his breath, eased onto his back, and folded his hands behind his head. His tail swished, and his eyes fixated on the sky. All was well, all would be well, and with the way that the clouds scattered across the periwinkle firmament, a lucidity settled over his mind. The truth was intense in the beginning, but with practice, it became easier and easier to open up, to be completely honest with the people he needed to exercise veracity on.

"We thought you loved Kagome." Kouga could not help the laugh that slipped from his lips, and the sound was a contradiction, for he was laughing more at himself than at the question.

"No Ginta, I was wrong. Completely. It wasn't love at all. Hell, I didn't even know what love was."

The pause was interminable, and after a few long moments of watching the lazy clouds drift across the azure canvas, Kouga turned his head to look at his pack mates. They were looking at the ground, fumbling with rocks, doing things with their hands, almost as if the actions would stimulate their thought process. Kouga would not pressure them into telling him what they needed to say, for he knew how hard this must have been on them to even ask these questions, no matter if they said they were alright with his sexual preferences.

Hakkaku finally voiced the question. "And now? Do you know what love is?" The question was not unpredicted, but it scared Kouga all the same. This was exactly what he had been thinking about for the longest time, on what love really was.

There were different ways of viewing it, describing it, and above all, interpreting it. This entire week had been a mental maelstrom of racing thoughts, bad metaphors and analogies, and figuring out his plan. It had worked so far, but to voice his thought, to describe it...he feared getting it wrong.

It was an ill-placed fear, for there was not going to be someone who was going to, at random, crash through the bushes and undergrowth and proclaim for all the world, that he was teaching what he perceived as love wrong. It was not something that was taught, rather than something that was felt, felt so deep and so intensely that it had multiple meanings and ways of being viewed.

Which meant, to Kouga at least, that everyone had a different way of understanding it, which made him right.

"Yeah...I do."

Both Ginta and Hakkaku jumped to their feet at the same time, almost as if they were so moved by his admittance of knowing what love was, they felt inclined to stand.

"Tell us Kouga, don't keep us in the dark!" Kouga chuckled and propped his head up on his hand, his elbow digging into the smooth rocks by the river. He was prepared to tell them, in the clearest way that he could, what love was and how it felt.

"Well, alright. It feels kind of like you're sick." This was obviously not the first answer that came to mind when Ginta and Hakkaku thought of voicing the question. It was, above all things, a reality-check.

"Sick?" He nodded, all the while noting the confused looks that were exchanged. This was not what they expected in the least, and in a way, it was an eye-opener for how it would feel when it was their time.

"Yeah, sick. You feel like there's bugs under your skin, in your blood. Your forehead's all hot, and you have all this energy. You have trouble sleeping sometimes. Also, it feels like you've been running for hours without a breather, but you haven't been running."

Ginta's brow furrowed, Hakkaku touched his forehead, his chest, and then checked his pulse. Together, in a tandem of pantomime, they gave him the two most puzzled looks he had ever seen. They were both relatively bright, though at times certainly not the fastest rock in the landslide...but still.

"What?"

Kouga gave a sigh of exasperation. He had patience for these two, and the sigh was mainly for himself, but it was still taxing to attempt to explain his situation to them.

"Never mind. It's just something you need to feel for yourself."

Ginta jumped forward suddenly, almost as if he had come to some sort of conclusion. "No! I kinda get it! The running part...do you have trouble breathing?"

Kouga found himself nodding, though it was mainly to avoid groaning aloud. Ginta did get it, no matter if he truly didn't get it. "Yeah, it's exactly like that. Your heart beats really fast for no reason, other than thinking of the person you're really into. You could be sitting down like I am, and all of a sudden, it just comes over you." He was no poet, nor did he have any hope on having a way with words. However, for the moment, he did feel a certain degree of empowerment on bestowing his pack brothers with this shred of information, no matter how minute the advice was.

Hakkaku exhaled a steady breath. "Wow. That kinda sucks." Kouga chuckled, recalling that a month ago, he'd had that exact thought.

"That's what I first thought too. I also thought that I was dying, for I had never felt anything quite so intense before. But underneath all that, once you accept it...it's pretty great." He said the last sentence with such clarity, with such resolve that all those in the vicinity who heard his words wouldn't be able to do anything but agree with him. There was no room for argument, for he was so sure of himself, so sure of his intentions and heart, that for a moment he forgot where he was entirely.

For that split second that would be engraved in the fabric of eternity, he knew a plane of certainty he hadn't known could exist, much less come over him with the short amount of time it took for him to take a breath.

Then, the moment passed, and all he could think about was in making this feeling, this emotion real to the one who it was meant for.

"Well, it sounds to me like you're under a spell." A spell? Kouga could see why Ginta would think so. Also, he had thought about the possibility of Naraku casting some enchantment over him, all for the sake of fun, and getting almost-but-not-quite friends to fight one another to the death, all for pieces of a sacred jewel.

However, this purity, this brilliancy of the spirit and mind didn't come from sinister words or endless ingredients; it came from instinct, from the center of his being. Not even Naraku could fashion anything in its likeness, or hope to copy it into a sham of an incarnation.

"Sometimes, it sure feels like it."

A spell. That was almost the perfect word to describe this. Spells created magic, and this was most definitely magic, this feeling that was above all feeling. It was all for the one he was supposed to hate. But hate was not a part of his vocabulary for Inuyasha anymore. The word's lighter twin came to mind, the word love that he was still struggling to define, much less explain.

"It sounds like you're going a little crazy." Kouga inhaled a sharp intake of breath, and busted into laughter. So Hakkaku did understand after all. That was almost precisely how it felt. Sometimes, his mind was under siege with so many thoughts at once, all of them circling around the hanyou, that he thought his head would surely implode. At night, when he was supposed to be sleeping, all he could think about were the past encounters he'd had with the hanyou and how so much had changed, though it still remained unspoken.

Unbidden, Kouga began to think of Inuyasha's appearance, and once he began that train of thought, he knew he was in for a complete mental back-pedal in reclaiming his sanity. He remembered Inuyasha's garments and the way that they complimented his sun-bronzed skin perfectly, the robe fashioned for him alone, for no one could ever hope to look as good as he did in it. There was his hair again, snow-white, revealing those pink-lined ears that showcased who he was to the world: a half-breed, not part of any one species, but part of both. And above all, there were his eyes, those beautiful, intense eyes that burned and blazed through his soul with the speed of a powerful sword attack. Those eyes could send him to his knees if he looked at them long enough, or they could turn him into a jibbering, chattering mess.

These thoughts were insane, completely inappropriate. Also, they were insanely stupid. What man was knocked senseless by another person's eyes and use of dress? He was, that was who. Besides, he now had two titles: Kouga of the eastern wolf-tribe and the corn-picking, cheese-eating, sap-sucking lover who pined for a rival he had spent too much time hating.

"Yeah well, that too. Sometimes, I think I'm crazy." Love was insanity, inexplicable, and above all, indescribable. With the way he was attempting to word it, it sounded like he was nothing but a love-lorn fool, all for someone who more than likely did not return the affection. Never had he felt this ambivalent about something in his entire life.

That was why they said it only happened once, for if it happened more than once, it would shock the soul too much. Once...for the truest love.

Kouga could not help the face he made. True love? What was this, some fairy-tale? Though, he knew that there were story-tellers who wove tales, using this land and the creatures that dwelled in it, as the inspiration for the stories. Who knew? Maybe one day, someone would tell his story, the tale on his attempt to woo his rival.

He was now using the word woo. Yes, he was insane.

Ginta and Hakkaku exchanged a look, and at the same time, in what could only be described as vocal telepathy, asked the question: "All for Inuyasha?"

Kouga took a few moments to collect himself before he even began thinking about how to answer that. This was the most important part of the entire situation, the most relevant piece of information he would have to confront, sooner rather than later. He was never one for delaying the inevitable.

Why Inuyasha indeed. Why not Kagome, the young girl who he had once proclaimed with vehemence that she was "his woman." She was the lovely long-limbed, doe-eyed girl from the future, the one who was blessed with the gift of seeing sacred jewel shards. She was everything he could want, everything that he was taught to want. She treated him right, smelled great, and he knew that she would make an excellent mother to any children she bore him. However...he just couldn't see it anymore. He couldn't see her in the caves, clothed in furs, smiling to chubby-cheeked, bushy-tailed offspring. It had been lust, or a dominance issue, for she was something that Inuyasha wanted, but was too reluctant to attempt to take for himself.

As to Ayame, he had felt nothing for her aside from a brief friendship, or if he thought about it, she fell into the position of a sister: a hyperactive, stubborn, fiery-tempered sister. Ever so foolishly, he had asked her to be his when she had hardly been a mile away from her home in her life, much less old enough to understand what it meant to join him in royal matrimony. It was a very, very bad mistake on his part to lead her on, and then dash her hopes to the winds, like brittle flower petals.

_'Third time's the charm.'_

Somehow, in all of the bickering, instigating, and constant antagonizing he'd endured almost on a weekly basis with Inuyasha, petty rivalry had become something much more profound. He remembered hearing the insults Inuyasha shouted at him pass through his ears, for all he could hear was the hanyou's voice in full, beneath the rough-edge showcased in the voice itself. The tenor was soothing and yet striking, as if it was the sharp underbelly of a blunt looking river rock, one that had precious stones deep within its core. That tone sliced through Kouga's irritation and he found himself go completely slack, boneless, until he realized he was staring at Inuyasha, almost as if there was something hideous growing on his face.

Inuyasha had stopped in mid-sentence, gave him a funny look, and Kouga found it hard to breathe. It was as if there was something attached to him, a parasite or leech that drained away all oxygen from him for that interminable period of time. Golden eyes dissected him, his skin vibrated as if there was lightning trapped in his blood, and his heart ricocheted in his ears, like cannon-fire.

Four more times it happened, and in those times, Kouga lost all of his well-thought out remarks, every comeback fleeing from his throat like escaped energies from a barren host. Inuyasha must have surely thought he was brain-damaged and always walked away from their scuffles looking more than a little unnerved and irritated, for Kouga had forsaken the will to fight him.

One month later, here he was, having deciphered the feeling hundreds upon hundreds of times, until he had finally come to this infuriating, scary-as-hell conclusion: that in all of the times they fought, in every battle of wits and physical scuffle, Kouga had been attracted to Inuyasha all along. It was misplaced on Kagome, and earlier on, the young girl Ayame. He couldn't quite determine what it was that held him so captive about the marvelous half-breed, but there was something that both repulsed him and led him to who Inuyasha was. They were alike on some levels, for they were both fighters who wanted for the world to be rid of Naraku's taint, and they felt the need to impress others more than necessary, to keep up their tough-as-nails facade, when in actuality, they hurt just like the rest of their pack mates.

They weren't so different. And once Inuyasha knew that Kouga would never try anything with Kagome, there was nothing that would cause them to fight every time their paths crossed.

That was wishful thinking at its finest. However, he couldn't help the optimism, for it had taken him this far.

Now that his own pack mates knew what was going on with him, there was a part three to the plan. It was now in five parts, but he didn't want to think that far ahead just yet. He had been lucky up until this point, and he didn't wish to jinx it or blow his chances by catapulting ahead into the blank unknown of attraction.

Kouga looked up, blinked a few times, and then emitted a sputtering noise from his mouth. He realized that in all of this time of musing and forethought, that he had never answered his brother's question.

How could he possibly voice everything he felt? Was there a way?

Kouga stood up, cracked his neck and back a few times, and then looked towards the skies. He hated being cryptic more than anything, for mysteries never intrigued him; they pissed him off. However, in this situation, there was nothing more that could be said. "Let's just say we're alike, and that's a turn-on." He gestured towards the kill, implying that if his brothers wanted anymore, they would have to eat it now. When they proclaimed that they were full, Kouga quickly buried the bones deep in the earth, put out the fire, and turned to face his brothers. "Well, what are you standing there for? We have a long way to go if we're going to see Kagome today."

Upon mentioning Kagome's name, all confusion left both Ginta and Hakkaku's faces. "Kagome? Awesome! Let's go then!"

Kouga felt a moment of victory unlike that of anything he had ever dreamt before. He pivoted on his heel and sincerely thought he had gotten out of explaining why he was attracted to Inuyasha. Then reality splintered his delirium.

"Kouga...you got a plan?" A plan...

The wolf-prince turned on his heel, met Ginta's gaze, and nodded. "Of course. I don't go into things unplanned." Ginta nodded, and Hakkaku's eyes met the ground. It didn't take a genius to understand what they were thinking. This declaration of attraction would wholeheartedly change their relationship at some point, for if word got out that he was attempting to court another male, he would be dishonored and in a worse-case scenario, deposed of his throne and title.

"Hey, no long faces now. This is my life here. Besides, if I was stupid enough to fall in love with Inuyasha, maybe one of you two will be a better leader than me." Ginta met his level-headed gaze, and the briefest spark hit his eyes, like fire tinder. He nodded, and they exchanged a smile.

"We'll vouch for you, you know. They can't do anything yet!" Kouga chuckled, thinking all the while that these two had no idea what the leaders were capable of.

"Thanks. I really appreciate that." Kouga gestured to his left, to the trail that led to the forests. That was where the winds were blowing the most, and with the wind came scents, a scent that would lead him to Inuyasha. The thought terrified him and appealed to him at the same time, because for the first time, he wanted to see him and not Kagome. So much could go wrong, so much hope could be extinguished with this meeting. But he had to try. "Let's save that for later though. We're burnin' daylight."

Ginta and Hakkaku exchanged a look, grinned so wide Kouga thought their faces would split in half, and then they gave him a saccharine, obnoxious look.

"Ooooh, Kouga wants to see his..."Kouga glared at them, snarled, and a trio of cat-calls and suggestive comments thundered through the forests, startling the birds from their nests.

This was one way to get to Inuyasha he knew, no matter if it was by gentle infuriation.

_I really love writing Kouga. His character has always fascinated me, and with his brothers, he is magnificent. In the next chapter, Inuyasha comes in, and the scene that I pictured first in this story's craft comes into play. As always, please let me know what you think._

_~Luna_


	3. Impulsive

_Thank you everyone for the reviews and for enjoying the Inuyasha/Kouga vibe. I apologize for the delay, the semester caught up with me._

_I must address one issue however, an issue that will be prevalent in all of the fanfiction I write: I don't believe in the seme/uke thing. I'm not sure who thought of that, if that was just some general ingredient in yaoi manga and shonen-ai, but I don't agree with it. Two men loving each other shouldn't include one of them being the female in the relationship, or in endless submission and all of that general nonsense. Would they not trade positions in the bedroom, merely to spice up the romance? Yes, yes they would. I know I would. Meaning, there is no bottom/top or anything of the sort in this story, or anything I'm writing/will ever write._

_I apologize if that sounded slightly introverted/me attempting to convert you all to my anti-seme/uke philosophy, that was not my intent in the least. I'll never bring that up again._

_Songs that suit the general mood of this story:_

_Be Mine~Kristina and the Dolls_

_Broken Arrow~Pixie Lott_

_Dig~Incubus_

_Spin~Lifehouse_

_This is where things get a little hot. Also, this is more than likely the longest chapter, aside from the ending. And to clarify, my lame attempts at humor emerge here. Kouga always struck me as a funny fellow, so I rolled with it. 8D_

_If I owned this, the world would never be the same._

* * *

><p><em>"If I love you, what business is it of yours?" ~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe<em>

He had done it. Somehow, in the expanse of the hours that passed since he revealed himself to Ayame, took back his previous commitments and admitted his romantic intentions for Inuyasha to his brothers, two steps out of his five-step master plan was complete. Kouga had never felt so victorious in all of his life, not since that time when he had convinced his father that in order to learn how to be a grown-youkai, it was necessary for him to stay up all night with the older wolves as they discussed the politics and obligations that the joined clans were expected to follow through on.

The fond memory brought a smile to Kouga's lips, though he knew that during that night years previous, he had fallen asleep against his father and woke up much, much later, to Ginta's frantic shouting that the kill that morning was especially juicy.

_'Not much changes.' _Though it seemed as if he was dangling on the precipice of the most massive transition of his life, one that would make all other things in his life pale in comparison to step three, he could state that contradictory fact. The little things stayed the same: the bright sunlight that dappled on the forest floor, the delicious taste of fresh-blood from the daily kill, and his ever-vocal pack mates. Significant and looming matters came and went, but family was eternal.

_'Now listen to me; I've gone soft.' _As if to stop the thought from progressing further, Kouga paused in mid-stride, skidded to a halt, and leapt on the top of a well-positioned boulder. He and his pack mates had been running for a few hours, stopping only for water and the occasional checking of their surroundings, to make sure that they had not veered off course.

Ginta and Hakkaku had not argued against the latter, and for that Kouga was thankful. With the way that his mind was racing, coming up with poorly-fashioned analogies left and right, all the while thinking about how wonderful it would be to see Inuyasha again, it was necessary to keep pausing to make sure he was going in the right direction.

No matter if wolves were known for their innate sense of direction, romance and the pulse-pounding stupidity it evoked canceled out all lessons about instinct.

Thankfully, they were right on track. Whatever god that was looking down on him right then must have wanted for this meeting to happen. Kouga still didn't believe in fate, in that overly used word known as "destiny", for it really was just a word that stated that if one didn't move, didn't try to make things happen for themselves, that it would fall in said person's lap tied in brightly-colored ribbons. Kouga wished he could fashion "destiny" into a physical entity, and then squarely knock their lights out and leave them tied upside down in a forest, for that was just not the way things worked.

_'It's way more satisfying that way though.'_ If things were that easy, there would be no point. He lived for the challenge, flourished off the friction that led to a more satisfying result.

"Hey...are we going the right way?" Ginta appeared at his side right then, and it shook Kouga from his very vivid and satisfying thoughts about destroying ideals and the fanciful faith it evoked in others.

"Yeah, we're doing fine. I just thought it'd be best to make sure we're going the right way." He nodded, and when he turned his gaze on his pack mates again, they were exchanging smirks.

"Oh, don't worry Kouga, we know how important it is that you see Inuyasha today," Hakkaku started, his eyes flashing with effusive mischief. "That's why we want to help ya out with something."

Kouga's elated mood evaporated immediately, and it was replaced with the kind of terror that came when one accepted help with personal matters. "That won't be necessary." He cleared his throat, hoping his fear wasn't revealed on his face, much less in his voice. "Besides, don't you think I'm capable of getting him myself, without any help?" To add to this bold statement, Kouga placed his hands on his hips and narrowed his eyes in what he hoped was a "hero" pose that would elicit wonder in all those who happened upon him.

"Well, sure! But there's nothing wrong with lookin' the part!" Before Kouga knew what was happening, he found himself thrown off the rock and tackled into the leaf-strewn overgrowth.

"Hey! What's the big idea? We need to get going..." Kouga had no time to acknowledge just how long these two were planning something, nor how they managed to catch him this off-guard, for those questions and answers didn't matter. What mattered, was that right then, Ginta was holding his hair in one hand, and Hakkaku had what looked like a large plant in his hands, a plant that was coming ever-closer to his mouth...

"We know Kouga, we're sorry! We just want you to be happy! And when someone's trying to woo someone...well, don't they take grooming into account?" Kouga opened his mouth to reply that yes, it was important, but before he could say a word, a bright piece of fruit was placed in-between his teeth. Or, something that looked like fruit anyways. Shock made his incisors lock down on the aforementioned fruit, his taste buds exploded with flavor, and he had no other choice but to continue chewing.

Once the fruit was swallowed, he promptly beat both of his brothers over the head. Almost as if to make the act more final, Kouga stood up and dusted off his armor, all the while cracking his neck and back a few times. "That was for throwin' me off my rock." Before they became too concerned, Kouga turned around and gave them a wry smile. This was to show that he wasn't angry at them, and that the comment about owning a piece of nature was just to prove that he was the furthest thing from irritated. "Now, what'd ya have in mind?"

Both wolves ceased rubbing the sore spots on their heads and rushed over to him, looking for all the world like the happiest creatures known to earth.

"The fruit you just ate will give you really good breath!" Kouga opened his mouth to comment, but all that came out was a small laugh.

"Good breath, huh? Keep talkin'." Kouga blew a puff of air out of his mouth into his hand, and quickly sniffed his palm. By the gods, they were right! There was no correct way to explain the scent, but all that mattered was that his breath was fresh and didn't smell like dried blood or meat. Although it was foolish that he was taking such pettiness into account - doing something that would be different than who he was - for the moment, he figured that presenting the best version of himself was crucial. When all odds were stacked against you, sometimes it was imperative to have good breath.

"Also, we figured it would be alright to brush your hair." Kouga blinked a few times, shrugging his shoulders in nonchalance. He enjoyed personal grooming, but it wasn't like he cared much about vanity or looking good.

"Sure, why not?" He unbound his hair from the restraint and began roughly raking his fingers through his tangled mane, attempting to get rid of all the knots and the occasional twig that managed to get in there from their day's journey.

Ginta promptly emitted a small cry of horror. "No! Not like that! I actually have a comb you could use!" A comb?

Kouga gave him a look that suggested that Ginta had suddenly tore off all his clothes, rolled in a pile of berries, and was promptly singing travel-songs at the top of his lungs. In short, he was surprised.

"A comb?" Ginta nodded furiously and revealed a hand-crafted comb made from what looked like tiny animal bones. The teeth were small, but they appeared sturdy enough to tackle the mats in his hair that had been accumulated through their rough travel of pursuing Naraku. "Tell me, just how long have you had this comb on you?"

Ginta scratched the back of his neck in a bemused state of mind. "Um...just for a bit. I wanted to give it to you after we defeated Naraku." That was both the dumbest and the nicest thing Kouga had ever heard. Kouga couldn't help picturing the three of them dancing on top of the oni's dead body, and in the midst of the celebratory chaos, Ginta bestowing him the comb for a victory gift. Though common sense dictated that the comb would have proved useful in their travels beforehand, Kouga knew that wasn't what mattered. What mattered was that his pack mates thought of him, more than he dared to imagine, and for that, he felt grateful that they were with him.

Also, he knew that after this day, he was going to be crowned as the biggest sap on the face of the earth. Kouga the Rock Whisperer and Kouga the Sap would be his new state of address.

So, to cover up for his new title, Kouga busted into laughter. "Well, thank you! That's very thoughtful." He clapped Ginta on the back, inciting relief from the younger wolf. "I'm sure Inuyasha will notice that I combed my hair." The remark was meant to be gentle sarcasm, but Ginta beamed even wider.

"Of course! A healthy coat produces healthy cubs!" Kouga couldn't help snarling at the comment, but it only served to amuse Ginta.

"I'm just kidding! That's impossible!" Ginta made a twirling motion with his hand, revealing that he wanted for Kouga to turn around so that he could be the one to comb his hair out, and Kouga grudgingly complied, though he could have easily done it himself. "Now, just relax! While I'm doing this, Hakkaku will make you smell good!"

Before Kouga had the chance to say that all of this, while it was nice and it showed that he cared about his personal appearance, was hardly necessary, Hakkaku appeared before him with the plant that, upon proven assumption, grew the fruit that made one's breath fresh.

"Alright, this plant! I found it one day and I realized that if you rub the leaves against your ears and neck, you smell really nice all day!" Hakkaku picked a few of the leaves off, and held them in front of Kouga's nose, almost as if he wanted for Kouga to smell for himself before he proceeded to rub the smell all over his body.

Kouga took a whiff, and he had to admit that the smell was extremely fresh. The scent was unnameable, but it reminded him of the aroma of snow-storms, and afterwards, the luxurious oils granted by hot springs. "I like it. You can make me smell like that, sure." Hakkaku grinned and gently rubbed the leaves underneath his ear-lobes. With the way that he was being pampered, Kouga could not help but feel like a royal that was preparing to attend some ceremony of sorts. It made him feel both comforted and very on the spot.

To put it in vulgar terms, shit got real.

To dissuade any doubt that attempted to slither into his mind, Kouga struck up casual - albeit nonsensical - conversation. "Where'd you get the smelly plant?"

Hakkaku laughed, but it didn't distract him from the situation at hand. "It's kind of a funny story. I was chasing a rabbit through this field and I tripped over a large tree-root and tumbled into a whole patch of this stuff!" Kouga stifled the laughter that threatened to escape his throat, for he knew that Hakkaku would be offended. "I figured out that it smelt nice, for I got it all over me, and when I landed, a piece of the fruit landed in my teeth." He said this with such innocence, that Kouga couldn't help but smile along with him. If it wasn't for that rabbit Hakkaku would have been inclined to chase, he wouldn't have had this meticulous dual team working on making him look - and smell - his best.

_'The gods really do have it all planned out.'_ "And you just hid the plant as we ran?" Hakkaku nodded, and then tossed the leaves away from him, stating that he was done making him smell good.

"Yup! Well, you were so distracted with your thoughts, that I ran off into the clearing and grabbed one! Me and Ginta just want for you to be happy, no matter who it's with, and if we can help even a little, it'll pay off!" Hakkaku nodded, and his optimism would have infected even the most strong-willed pessimist for a few moments of unrestrained faith. Also, his complete willingness to help him "get the guy" touched Kouga so deeply, he didn't know whether to express his gratitude in words, in tears, or in a ten-second brotherly embrace.

Tears and the hugging would have solidified the claim that he was turning into a sap, so Kouga chose the former option. "Thanks." Hakkaku began to say that it was no big deal, but Kouga gently cut him off. "No, really, thank you. Both of you. A guy couldn't ask for better pack mates. I'm honored to travel with you guys and...OUCH!" As he was speaking, Ginta was working out a particularly large knot in his hair and with the way he tugged, Kouga wondered if his scalp was now bleeding.

"Heh, sorry Chief! Before you kill me though, you should see your hair, it's a lot shinier!" Kouga decided he would let the use of the word "shinier" slide for now, for he was the one who was thinking up the poignant thoughts on life, and confessing his feelings to his pack mates. Any self-respecting wolf prince wouldn't do such a thing. That being said, being a self-respecting wolf-prince was extremely overrated. There was no sense in having such respect for oneself, and then having the complete inability to drop one's ego a few notches. Pride came before the fall - or so some old guy a lot smarter than him had once said - and he had no intention on falling or tripping anytime soon.

So, Kouga let the adjective use slide and he ran his hands through his hair. He gave a snarl of approval, and his pack mates promptly busted into a short, jovial dance. They certainly were strange, but they were his strange friends and brothers. Besides, with all of his asinine thoughts and the sappy thought pattern as of late, he was in no position to point fingers.

"Thanks. I'm sure this will help a lot." Both of his brothers scuffed the ground for a few moments, looking for all the world like the most bashful beings to ever walk the planet. "Really, thank you. A guy couldn't ask for more supportive pack mates, or a better family." When he mentioned family, both Ginta and Hakkaku knew that Kouga didn't place the word there to give them false hopes for a compassionate future, only to mock them later. He wasn't that cruel, nor did he think he would have ever done that in his past. He used this term with affection behind it, true affection, the kind that was extremely rare.

"Aw, Kouga, it's nothing! Like we've said, we just want you to be happy! No matter if it's leading us against Naraku with a female at your side or...with Inuyasha. He'll like you, I know it!" Kouga chuckled, knowing that it wasn't as simple as whether or not Inuyasha liked him - for he was a man, and not some human girl with a crush on the local village neighbor - but something much deeper than that. Although, simplicity did play a key role in what he was about to attempt, whether or not Inuyasha harbored any emotion other than deep-seated animosity and the primal urge to pound his face to sawdust. He would just have to find out the old-fashioned way.

Kouga laughed for a moment, and then nodded. "Thanks! Really, thank you both." He eyed them both for a long moment, a moment where he knew that there was a fine line between being masculine and merely being a huge softie - softie! He was using words like softie now! - that he was indubitably beginning to cross. "Now, let's go; I got a date with destiny and all that shit."

Without a word of approval or protest, Kouga took off down the path, ignoring the frantic cries that with his speed, he would mess up his hair. A little messy hair never hurt anyone. Who knew? Inuyasha might have preferred someone a little unkempt with their appearance.

_ikikikiki_

Timing was everything, the most crucial part of any plan, no matter how well-thought out it was. If it came down to the right moment to act, to speak and one didn't take it, then everything was pretty much doomed. However, if one did act and threw themselves bravely in front of what could potentially destroy them, everything would work out.

Or, so Kouga tried to tell himself as he leaned back on his haunches, watching the group from his vantage point, a place that hid him from view by the protection of the bushes. The group in mention was before him, a few yards to his immediate left, taking what looked like a lunch break. Kagome had that yellow sack out, and was rummaging around in its depths, looking either for more treats for her companions or something that would benefit the group. She really did try very hard, even if she could be extremely brazen and spirited. Some man would be a lucky bastard in her affections.

It wasn't him though; it would never be.

The team was all there, and for a moment, Kouga felt as if he was witnessing something he wasn't meant to see, something that challenged the sanctity of privacy. There was little Shippou, gulping down snacks and noodles as if it was the first meal he had eaten in centuries, and the fire-neko was purring at his feet, lapping at the few crumbs that slipped from his puckered, crumb-littered lips. The youkai exterminator gently scolded her steed and as she leaned over, the monk with the self-proclaimed "cursed" hand took the time to grope her backside. Sango scowled and slapped him, all the while muttering that men had no manners and never would, even if they were given the remainder of the century.

Kagome chuckled a few times, though Kouga could tell that she was doing her best to disguise it. She said something to the effect of Miroku never learning and then handed everyone a small, boomerang shaped treat. Shippou gave a little cry of triumph, Sango calmly accepted the treat, Miroku forgot entirely about the facial assault, and Inuyasha...was wonderful.

Maybe just sitting there didn't make someone wonderful. However, with the way that the faintest traces of amusement came upon Inuyasha's face when the other members of the pack weren't looking, Kouga found something terrific there.

Perhaps there was nothing special about the way those white ears of his twitched with every little sound, or nothing especially peculiar about the way his hair practically glittered in the sunlight...

_'Yup. I'm mental. Who uses words like glitter?' _Kouga was taken aback for a moment, for he knew the risks of infatuation, of setting one's hopes too high on a sole being, and using pathetic words to describe a guy's hair. This was utter insanity, a madness that was not as discreet as he would have liked, and he would have liked nothing more than to high-tail it in the opposite direction. _'Why back down now? Snap out of it you moron!'_

Why he'd thrown the word love around so pettily in the past remained beyond his understanding. Before, Kouga had no clue what it was like to feel this intense rush through his body, the rush that came by merely being in the proximity of the person he desired, no matter if he was watching him from the bushes. This sensation left him feeling thunderstruck, so changed that he was sure he would no longer recognize his own reflection. He was safe in the monotony of flirting with Kagome, comfortable in treating Inuyasha as a rival and using the surname "useless mutt." There, he knew himself, and he knew precisely what to expect.

_'Nobody gets anywhere by playing it safe.'_

Though now, minutes before he was about to say his piece, moments before he proved that all of his agonized and frustrated planning had come to fruition, he found himself scared out of his wits. His palms were slick with sweat, his knees trembled, and he was certain that if he was to temporarily leave his body all to see what he looked like from an outside-in approach, he wouldn't recognize the tense, anxiety-filled being he had become.

All from the wonderful, uncouth, creature known as Inuyasha.

Said wonderful creature suddenly swiveled around and gave the bush Kouga was presently hiding in the most resentful glare that he had ever seen from Inuyasha.

_'Time to face the music; I've been found out.' _Kouga squared himself, took a deep breath, and ran down the small incline that led to the campsite, knowing it was far better to confront the fact that he had been found out, than deal with the golden wrath of the most beautiful scowl he had ever seen in his life.

Though technically, they were one in the same, in a terrifyingly interchangeable situation.

"Hey there Kagome, everyone." Kouga nodded to everyone in the camp-site, knowing that his presence had gone undetected from all but Inuyasha. Thinking about it in the ten-second panic he had at being found out, Kouga suddenly found it very odd that neither the kitsune nor the fire-neko noticed that he was crouching in the bushes like a forest robber intent on stealing valuables from the group, but once the ten-seconds passed, he found himself on the spot. Again.

Both the youkai exterminator and the monk nodded their assent, Shippou and Kirara cocked their heads at him at the same time, and Kagome jumped a little.

She was the one to speak to him first - thankfully, for Inuyasha was too busy giving him the stink-eye to strike up casual pleasantries - and he was even more indebted to her. "Kouga?" She looked into the forest, almost as if trying to see where he came from. She shrugged and merely smiled at him out of polite habit. "Hey there, want some snacks? I think I have some chips in here somewhere...you could share with Ginta and Hakkaku!"

While she dug in her bag, Kouga felt as if he had swallowed a large rock. The words that usually flowed out of his mouth without effort had dried up entirely, and he was left with only silence and idle chit-chat to follow through on.

"That's alright Kagome, I'm not hungry. Thank you though. I came here for two reasons: I need to speak with you and Inuyasha privately." Kagome dropped her bag, exchanged an inquiring look with a fuming Inuyasha, and shrugged.

"Okay! Come on Inuyasha, let's see what he has to say." When Inuyasha didn't budge, Kagome's brow furrowed, not in anger, but almost as if she was in deep concentration. Those hard chips of sunlight - look at that, even more pathetic analogies of beautiful eyes in a panicked frame of thought - miraculously softened when they met Kagome's eager gaze.

"Keh. Whatever you have to say, say it here and now; I don't feel like movin'." This was the first time that Inuyasha had spoken outside of Kouga's frame-by-frame recollection of the hanyou's voice and from the shock of hearing it again, from the awe it elicited in his core, Kouga couldn't help the shudder that ran through his body. It was stupid, being so affected by a voice, and it was also incredibly foolish to feel so anxious about a mere conversation.

"Actually, I need to speak with you guys separately. Kagome, c'mon, this won't take long." Inuyasha's ears twitched in what Kouga assumed was a mechanism triggered by anger, his dark eyebrows narrowed, and the faintest brew of a snarl escaped his lips.

"Alone? The fuck you are! Say it right now to her, or else." Well now, someone was being incredibly difficult today. Kouga loved him all the more for it, no matter how damn infuriating it was that the guy wouldn't trust him for two minutes alone with the girl.

_'Calm down. Breathe. Focus on the plan.'_ The plan...ah, yes. Pride be damned.

Kouga shrugged and crossed his arms, allowing his signature wry smile to fall into place."Inuyasha...fine." Kouga turned to Kagome, gave her a small bow of his head, and launched into what was sure to be the moment where any traces of his Kouga, badass facade would obliterate into the den of the seven hells. "Kagome, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for throwing myself at you, for flirting, and for claiming you were my woman. I have no claim on you, for I don't love you like that. Maybe as a friend, but that's it."

Silence. Even more silence. There was an intense quiet that was more deafening than the loudest scream of protest, of hysteria.

And then, Kouga knew his world would never be quite the same. Shippou sprang up, blinking up at him with his wide green eyes, gazing at him so intently, that Kouga wondered if the little fox was some sort of seer in disguise, or one of those mind-reading youkai that could literally probe the inner-most thoughts of whatever unfortunate person crossed their path.

Shippou blinked a few times, then shrugged. "Geez Kouga, it's about time you realized that. You're not as stupid as I thought you were." He had to hand it to the little guy: he was really cute, but on any other day he would have glared at the fox until he cowered for daring to disrespect him, even in jest or to get a point across.

"Well, thanks." He nodded to Shippou, then his gaze focused on Kagome. "I just needed to tell you that. I was tired of dragging you down; I know what it's like to have unwanted attention. Sorry if I embarrassed you." Talking was all he could do to prevent any nervous habits from emulating: scratching his head or neck, scuffing the ground, or worse off, chewing the inside of his mouth raw. The lesser truth was out in the open now.

The youkai exterminator and the monk exchanged a shocked glance, but then they beamed at him.

The monk spoke first. "Well done, Kouga. That's very brave of you to admit your mistakes to a woman like that, especially when matters of the heart are involved." Kouga knew there was a double-edged meaning to the monk's words, one that stated that if he was toying with Kagome's feelings by saying he wasn't in love with her to elicit some obligatory attraction on Kagome's part, that he was being a coward. Kouga knew he never would have caught this if he had been the old him.

Though, he was the _same_ him, just not the _same _him. Gods help him, he had lost it.

Now, it was time for the reaction he needed the most, aside from the reaction he truly craved: Kagome's response.

She met his eyes unabashedly, smiled at him and promptly gave out a sigh of relief. "Kouga...I'm sorry that I can't be your woman. I don't love you in that way either." Kouga knew that she had said this to him many times before, though it was vaguely underlined in her painfully polite ways. It made him feel like a terrible person.

Her smile of acceptance and above all, forgiveness erased his self-derision and his mind knew peace. "I hope we can still be friends?" She offered her hand out to him, the hand that he had always liked to grab as he confessed his profuse love for her once upon a time two months previous, and the year before that. It was symbolic then, for it was starting a new leaf and all that crap that he once believed was crap.

He took the hand, kissed it one final time and smiled to her. "Of course! You can count on that."

Silence. Damn this quiet...

A faint rustling behind him, a frenzied red image and the most handsome face he had ever seen suddenly appeared before him. Inuyasha was standing directly beside Kagome, almost as if to shield her petite frame from any sudden change of heart Kouga had about making Kagome his. That would never happen, but Inuyasha would never know that to be fact. Besides, if Inuyasha knew what was going on in his mind right now, he would have had an entirely different look on his face, for his thoughts were flooded with a profound amount of physical lust and attraction.

When thoughts failed him, Kouga resorted to staring. If it was possible, Inuyasha's body looked like it had acquired even more strength from when he had seen him last. The multi-layered garments he wore hid what was sure to be a beautiful body, and Kouga imagined that his skin was the same sand-baked color as his face and hands, skin he would thoroughly ravish if he had even an iota of a chance with him.

A snarl rumbled in Inuyasha's throat, and Kouga knew he was withholding what was sure to be a string of profanities for a moment, before he unleashed a fury that the heavens would know about. "What the hell? You spend all your spare time tracking us down all to see Kagome, and now you claim you don't love her?" Inuyasha glowered, staring in such a way that would make even the dumbest person know that there was no trust whatsoever in his eyes. "For all I know, you could be doing this just to spend more time with her as her friend. I don't like this at all. You're being too...I don't know, calm."

Calm. Inuyasha didn't trust him because he was being calm about speaking and not at all like his usual brusque self; Kouga understood that. It was still such a funny thing to suspect someone for.

Before Kagome could intervene, Kouga rebutted. "It's not like that at all. And so what if I'm calm? I've changed more than you know in this month Inuyasha and nothing you're going to say to me will stop that. Also, I meant every word I said and if I _ever_ lay a hand on Kagome, you have full permission to kick my ass from here to Naraku's hideout."

Miroku stifled a chuckle, disguising it as a cough, Sango giggled, and Shippou continued to stare, almost as if he enjoyed Inuyasha arguing with him. Kagome shook her head, but from her smile, he knew that he sounded more like himself, more like the Kouga that this group knew.

Inuyasha's reaction was the most cherished. Instead of launching into a ranting spiel about how he would take only the greatest pleasure in kicking his ass, going on about lingering suspicions about theories that weren't even linked, Inuyasha laughed. Inuyasha fucking laughed and it was sweet music to Kouga's ears...no. It was way better than any music he'd ever heard, for it was directed towards him.

"Well, whatever. I will bank on that, flea-bag." The insult was meant as a physical jab at his pride, as intangible bait for a verbal battle. He wasn't biting.

Instead of talking, Kouga figured that he could push his luck even further. Currently, he was about ten-feet away from Inuyasha, for he wanted to give the guy his space and elbow room. Ten steps became seven and Inuyasha's mouth turned skyward in a smirk, for the half-breed suspected that he was about to launch into a typical verbal tirade about how stupid he was, or how ugly, or something to that effect. "Good. I want you to follow through on your promises, they're pretty important Inuyasha." Kouga revealed no insult, nor would he, ever again.

Seven steps became five. Inuyasha looked fairly confused but not uncomfortable...yet. "Um, yeah...I know. What, you didn't hear me or somethin'? A little too dumb to catch it the first time?"

It was probably a really, really stupid decision to choose that moment to look at Inuyasha's mouth. It was also pretty dumb to watch the way Inuyasha's lips formed his words, showing flashes of pearl-white teeth, the darker pink skin of his mouth, and above all, his tongue. It clicked against his teeth a few times during his speech, and for whatever reason, it was all Kouga could focus on. He was utterly pathetic, not to mention dead obvious.

_'Good; let them all see it!'_ No one really saw _it_, the truth of the matter, but the group must have known that there was something going on with him, something that was absurdly out-of-character for his usual boisterous, arrogant self, a self that was always attempting to woo their shard-seeing friend.

"Yeah, I heard ya. How's about you return the favor and listen to me now, Inuyasha: later on tonight, meet me by that mountain pass. You know, the one with the huge drop that shows the sunrise. You know the place?" Kouga figured it best to safely assume that Inuyasha did, and if not, he would draw him a map in the dirt if that was what it took for Inuyasha to come to him.

To Kouga's relief at not having to find a stick and a good enough plot of land to draw a map with, Inuyasha nodded. "Yeah, I know of it. I don't see why you can't just say whatever it is that you need to say right here and now though." It would have been so easy to do, but so painfully awkward to do it. Besides, since he didn't care about his pride, much less his sanity anymore, he would have said it. For Inuyasha's sake however, it had to be later. Just because he didn't care about his pride, didn't mean that he was willing to shatter Inuyasha's ego, especially in front of his pack. You didn't just do that to someone, put them on the spot like this in front of people Inuyasha had earned the respect of.

"I guess I just like being difficult." Three steps now, and things became very personal. Inuyasha backed up two feet, Kagome stepped to the immediate left, and he was certain that the entire quintet of travelers - plus a fire-neko - thought that he had promptly lost his mind. "So, what do ya say? You gonna meet me or not?" One step, one and a half...

"If that's all you wanted, there was no need to hide in the fucking bushes like a coward." Kouga could physically _feel_ the burning gazes of both the slayer and the monk on his face, but he refused to acknowledge them. So he'd been found out, big deal! There were worse fates.

"Always blowin' my good entrances. I gotta hand it to you: your senses are sharp." Yes, he had just complimented Inuyasha in front of his group, and yes, it was time to leave.

Before he had the chance to see Inuyasha's reaction to his compliment, Kouga nodded to the group. "Thanks for hearing me out, I appreciate that!" Then, he focused his attention on Inuyasha, and for the moment, the group of humans and youkai alike and their scrutiny didn't matter. As stupid as it sounded, both he and Inuyasha were alone right then, without the strange looks that were directed solely at him.

Kouga took one step forward and he cast an unspoken prayer to whoever was listening that this worked. "So, how's about it Inuyasha? Wanna meet me later? I have an explanation, and something to give you."

Inuyasha's eyes slightly narrowed and his eyebrows became even more slanted, if such a feat was possible. His ears stood erect, as if he was waiting for some hidden clause in his words, one that Inuyasha had made it his mission to find and expose. Inuyasha would find nothing there, for he meant him no ill-harm. "Hn. Sure, what the hell? I got nothin' to lose. I like gifts. "

_'You don't have anything to lose.'_ "Great! Until then!"

Without so much as glancing or meeting a certain pair of honey-colored eyes, Kouga took off from the campsite, hardly believing he had the guts to follow through with all that.

_'By tomorrow this time, step three will be complete.'_

_ikikikiki_

Kouga didn't mind the long days of spring. There was more sunlight, more opportunity to find fresh kill, and rich scents throughout the forest. Everything was alive, thrumming with thriving energy that let the world know it was spring. It was a time for rebirth and all that.

However, the day couldn't end quickly enough and the evening remained out of his reach. After he had spent a full hour telling Ginta and Hakkaku everything that had transpired from the meeting, even going so far as to act out some of the parts just for their sake, he found himself feeling strangely restless. He wanted to stick around the future area of meeting, but once the traveling to said future area of meeting, there was nothing to do. Nothing but to mull over the entire situation one more time, which he didn't want. Dwelling never did anyone a bit of good.

He was done with the second-guessing, with pretenses and the pitiful attempts at flirting Inuyasha up; he was just going to do what he had planned, and if it didn't work out, then it was just the way it had to be. People could fall in love more than once, and other creatures did take on other mates if their old ones died.

The sad fact about that was, that when wolves mated, or in this case, had their heart set on a specific vulgar-yet-wonderful someone, it was for life. Kouga doubted that any other being in the world would gauge such a reaction from him, would give him such a thrill to merely be in such close proximity. He tried picturing others with different features, the imaginary someone who he was supposedly destined for...but it just didn't work. It always came back to Inuyasha's brief smile, the citrine eyes that held him in such thrall...and everything the hanyou was.

During the afternoon, when he was hunting, he wondered if there was some sort of sick narrator who was enjoying playing with his heart, and Kouga had half a mind to look in the branches for a blindfold-wearing, arrow-bearing Cupid, for he had a few ideas about what to do with that damned arrow. When hunting down metaphoric folk-lore didn't work, he ate, attempted and failed with intelligent conversation, and then gave up any inkling of this day being salvaged for productive reasons.

It was inevitable: he was stuck in limbo until Inuyasha chose to show up that night.

When he nearly yelled at the sky to get dark already, Ginta and Hakkaku ran off, promising not to return until later in the morning. They left him to his thoughts, but not before they gave him a few bits of advice from their optimistic points of view. The advice was accepted, but mentally shoved aside, for none of it applied to what he was going to do.

Night came, bringing with it the brilliant shades of the sunset. The orange, gilded light submersed the land with an ochre hue, the bright ball of fire setting deep in the west. The sky flickered with the colors of shadow and inferno, and Kouga hoped that it was a good sign, that the gods were painting the heavens especially for him.

That sounded extremely introverted, but it was the best thing he could do to encourage himself. This would be the hardest step, and he wondered for the ten-thousandth time that day if he was man enough for this, valorous enough to attempt this, much less follow through and suffer the aftermath of. He would find out.

Kouga walked out onto the smooth stone of the overpass, all the while thinking that there was no way in hell that he was backing down. He had come so far in one fucking day, so who knew what another day would bring? He had done everything right - no matter how unorthodox or strange his methods - and he would continue to move forward.

Mulling over this sappy, sentimental shit only made him want to tear out his hair; acting on impulse, on that instinct that wolves made their driving force was what would prove his victory.

And it all began with the skidding of earth-worn heels on the ground.

"You actually came." Kouga didn't bother to look, for he knew that Inuyasha was there behind him. There was a tingling sensation that ran down the base of his spine, all along the skin of his neck. His breath was lost, and that damned thump thumping of his heart escalated, almost as if he had taken the longest run of his life.

A short chuckle. "Well yeah, you invited me. What, are you backing down now? Did you really drag me all the way up here for nothin'?"

Had Inuyasha been able to see Kouga's face, he would have surely known that there was something more going on than a simple meeting. The grin Inuyasha's voice caused him made him look like he was viewing something that was both precious in his sight, and very amusing. Kouga turned and focused every ounce of the smile on Inuyasha, to let the hanyou know that he was genuinely pleased and thrilled that he followed through on his promise.

"No, I'm not backing down. Thanks for coming, really." The look on Inuyasha's face was somewhere in-between the emotions of immense confusion and downright shock. Kouga briefly wondered if anyone had ever looked so pleased to see him in his entire life, which was one of the most depressing trains of thought he could have ever considered. The world was hardly as accepting of half-breeds as he was, which he didn't want to think about at the moment.

"Yeah...sure. So, what is it? Why'd ya drag me all the way up here? You said you had a gift for me, or something."

Kouga nodded, knowing it was the moment that defined who he was to the hanyou, and on a grander scale, himself.

"I'm giving you something back. Hell, it was never mine to begin with. I just hope you're not squeamish." Without any warning, Kouga extracted the claws of his left hand and gouged his right arm open. When Inuyasha hollered at him that he'd lost his marbles and that the gift of his suicide wasn't what he had in mind, Kouga persisted. The shards were not that deep in his arm, but it was still a hell of a chore to dig them out.

"Shut-up...you sound like I'm fucking killing myself..." the shards came out of his right arm, and Kouga breathed a sigh of relief. Now, for his leg. Just when Inuyasha ceased his hollering, he started up again. As melodious as Inuyasha's voice was, Kouga would have much rather preferred that he wasn't screaming at him to stop "cutting his fucking limbs off." "Alright...Inuyasha...shut-up! I've almost...there!" The shard came out, and it was a bloody, glimmering thing in what remaining sunlight was left. "I've got it!"

Kouga set the three Shikon shards on the ground before him, and then began licking the self-inflicted wounds he gave himself. When Inuyasha gave him a look of disgust, Kouga shrugged. "Oh please, don't tell me you've never healed yourself like this; it's the youkai way Inuyasha." His saliva began congealing the blood, and within a few minutes, he was his old self again, albeit bereft of the speed and strength the shards gave him.

"Uh...why the fuck did you do that?" Kouga sighed and then promptly busted into laughter. Inuyasha was very smart when he could be, but he was so blind to the obvious.

"The shards, I don't want 'em anymore. Take them, have them, they're yours. Your pack is the one searching for the pieces, and I figure that the stronger you are with the power, the better off you'll be against Naraku." When Inuyasha didn't budge, Kouga gripped the shards in his hand and stood up with the purpose of hand-delivering the blasted things.

It didn't quite go as planned. The blood loss was minor all things considered, but that didn't stop the way that his world suddenly slanted and his entire body fell slack to the right. Inuyasha emitted a sharp cry, and before Kouga hit the ground, Inuyasha was over at his side in a flash of crimson.

"Easy now, come on. What'd you think, you could really stand after all that blood loss? Yeah, you've gotten smarter alright." Kouga dismissed the sarcasm because of the warmth of Inuyasha's body, the wondrous, sensational heat...

Kouga decided to use this to his advantage. As much as he hated to be the weak link, for the moment he didn't give a shit. He leaned into Inuyasha's chest, making his body go completely limp for the sake of this charade. "Yeah...you're right. I don't feel so good..."

In truth, he felt fine, but this was just too terrific an opportunity to pass up. Also, if he needed any more physical proof that he was attracted to the Inuyasha who was currently holding him and _not_ the Inuyasha he'd construed from memories in his mind, this was it.

He'd heard stories from the members of his pack simply loving the way their mates fit into their arms, and that feeling of being so complete, so integrated in whomever's embrace. Kouga had thought that was a lot of lover's nonsense and dismissed it.

Now he wanted to kick himself in the head, for that was exactly how this felt. Inuyasha was so damn warm and he smelt terrific, and with the angle his right ear provided, he could listen to the hanyou's steady heartbeat. Inuyasha had a strong pulse, a strong heart led by the will of endless fights, accepting his identity and a past that Kouga knew nothing about. It was the strongest heart he'd ever heard.

"Well, just lie there then I guess. Do you feel good enough to talk?" This surprised Kouga, for the Inuyasha he knew would have let him fall to the ground, and later when it was most convenient for him walked over to see if he was alright, stepping on him in the process. The one thing the hanyou was not however, was unnecessarily cruel, for he fought for the weak, for the helpless. For now, Kouga was the helpless one, even if it was feigned for the sake of a few moments of stolen intimacy.

"Yeah, I'll talk. What do you want to know?" Kouga knew that he was merely beating around the bush for the sake of staying in this exact moment for a few minutes longer, but he couldn't help it. As long as he covered a few important points, he would be in the clear.

"Well, for starters, why the hell were you cuttin' your skin up? That looked painful." Kouga chuckled but chose against raising his head. He looked clear ahead at the trees, at the gravel-paved road, at anything but the hanyou's eyes. Besides, if he raised his head to look, Inuyasha would probably drop him, for he would see that he was faking the pain of his self-surgery.

"I wanted to show you that what I said was true. I couldn't just remove them before you came, for then you might have thought they were fake shards or somethin'. You're pretty paranoid. That's why." Inuyasha stiffened and for a moment, Kouga was afraid that the previous statement about Inuyasha dropping him suddenly would ring true. It didn't happen, and Kouga fell even harder for him then. Without actually falling that is, he thought with a small smile.

"I see. You wanted to prove your loyalty. Alright then, but why? Why'd you give them up right now?"

Kouga figured _now_ was the best time to end this masquerade of frailty. Besides, if he stood up, then he could easily follow through on the final and most important step of his plan. He moved his head and Inuyasha gently released him, staying close just in case he toppled over again. For that, Kouga loved him even further. Inuyasha wasn't as hard-hearted as everyone accused him of being.

"I'm fine now, don't worry. Take the shards, they're yours." Inuyasha looked to where the bloody, glittering objects shone and after a long moment, nodded. He bent over and grabbed them in his claws, placing them in one of the many pockets of his red haori, almost as if he were afraid Kouga would change his mind at any moment.

Then, Inuyasha promptly added his opinion of Kouga's sanity. "You're one crazy guy, you know that?" Kouga laughed a few times, cracked his neck, and nodded his assent.

"Yeah, I know. I'm fine with that." Inuyasha raised an eyebrow, and his confusion was a beautiful thing.

"So. What about answering my questions, huh? You just gonna dodge them?" Kouga shook his head and turned to look at the view, almost as if he wanted to gain inspiration from the clearing. He opened his mouth, prepared the words that were long overdue...and then Inuyasha jumped right in front of him.

"Hey, I'm talkin' to you! First you're polite, then you go bat-shit crazy and start tearing at your skin, and now you won't even look at me! What gives, Kouga? What the fuck is it? Tell me, now. I don't like to play games."

It was then that Kouga realized the proximity level between him and Inuyasha, how close they had become, almost to eye-level. Also, Kouga realized that Inuyasha was several inches shorter than him, and despite the height difference, Inuyasha had no problem getting in his face. He was very brave, though it was a bravery that bordered on stupidity, but brave nonetheless. Kouga loved that.

"Want to know?" Kouga took one step forward, and prayed that the look on his face didn't send Inuyasha screaming and running off in the other direction. "Are you sure? Are you absolutely sure that you..."

"Just fucking tell me! What the hell do you want from me?" The look on Inuyasha's face revealed anger, and the words came out as a mere snarl. His claws were flexing at his hips, as if he was itching to tear something apart, his fangs were bared, and his eyes had narrowed into smoldering ovals of citrine. Never had Inuyasha looked more sexy to him than at that moment.

Before Kouga could talk himself out of it, talk himself out of doing this important thing, he kissed Inuyasha. He grabbed Inuyasha's back, closed his eyes, and pressed his mouth to Inuyasha's lips. It was incredibly messy, an imperfect mesh of mouths, but in what sweet brevity that it created, Kouga knew it was worth the hassle.

Kouga figured Inuyasha would be scared shitless and that he would more than likely jump out of his skin, hurl him backwards, or both. However, he never expected for Inuyasha to take four large steps backwards - four significant steps backwards - and nearly take the both of them over the cliff-face.

The kiss broke when they exchanged sharp intakes of breath and scrambled to right themselves. To do that however, Kouga grabbed Inuyasha's clothing, tugged him forward...and they wound up tangled in each others limbs, rolling backwards to immediate safety.

When the dust settled, Kouga expected shouting. He expected to be thrown to the ground and beat into submission, and then thrown over the cliff-face for his act of impropriety. Nothing happened. That could have been because with the way that they had fallen into the ground for dear life, Inuyasha's face was now in his armpit, or the shock was just so severe that said hanyou just couldn't move from his armpit. That...or maybe the smell from his armpit was so overwhelming, that Inuyasha had promptly passed out.

Kouga moved his right arm and Inuyasha rolled away from him, promptly springing to his feet. The wolf-prince expected to get yelled at, tackled to the ground once more for violent intentions...but he didn't expect silence.

Meaning, he had to speak. "That's why. I fucking love you." Inuyasha's head shot up, his eyes widening as if he had seen Naraku behind him, and was frozen to that spot for a few moments, as if trying to come up with a good line, a good response to that. For the lack of a better phrase, one that Kouga was incapable of creating, Inuyasha was at a loss for words.

"..." Silence. Even more silence. The crickets were out, and if not for the occasional brush of their wings, Kouga would have known the world of quiet once more.

_'Come on...say something, say fucking anything!'_

"...it makes sense now." Inuyasha gestured to where the shards had once lay. "The way you gave up Kagome, and gave me the shards I mean." Dead silence. Deader than dead silence.

Things weren't looking up. "Um...yeah. Yeah, it's what I was going for. I had a plan to...to...woo you." Inuyasha raised an eyebrow, and his mouth fell open a few centimeters, almost as if he couldn't believe his ears. Kouga couldn't believe the luck, for he had Inuyasha's attention, which was a good sign. "Yeah, you heard me. I have this master plan to woo you, to make you mine. This was step three: return the shards and then kiss you to gauge your reaction."

Inuyasha growled then, and Kouga wondered what could have possibly made him mad out of that sentence, aside from everything. Either his anger was spiking up right then, or he had said something stupid and would live to regret it.

"I'm not a fucking prize!" Always the latter. "I'm nobody's conquest or trophy, you understand that?" Kouga found himself nodding furiously, and babbling incoherently that he would never think that, before he was promptly interrupted. "Also...I see now why you didn't really want to do...that in front of the others."

With the way that Inuyasha was talking about the kiss, Kouga felt as if he had been stung, slapped across the face a few times, and worse. However, all was not lost yet, for the situation could still be salvaged. "I don't really want others knowing of my intentions yet Inuyasha, if you know what I mean. You're the leader of your pack, and that would be irresponsible of me to embarrass you that way." Kouga took a deep breath, and completed the hardest part out of that sentence. "Sorry if I embarrassed you now."

Inuyasha gave him a long look, as if Kouga had suddenly broke out in hives, or bites from the fleas they had once preached so passionately that the other was infested with. Simplicity was free-falling from that cliff-face right then, and within moments, within the time when Inuyasha would give him a reaction, it would splinter to oblivion.

"The choice is yours Inuyasha. I don't want to pressure you or anything. I'm not tied down by anything though. I let Ayame down, and I released my claim on Kagome. There's no one else." Kouga figured that if he added that there was no one else for him but Inuyasha, he would lose what little chance he had of remaining in the hanyou's good graces.

The crickets provided a steady symphony all around them, and Kouga resisted the urge to scuff the ground with his feet. He had to keep steady eye-contact on Inuyasha however, for he wanted to judge what was going through the hanyou's mind, whether it was anger or some other emotion.

"So...whattaya say to all this? It's a lot to take in, I know. Just...give me somethin' to work with here." Inuyasha still looked floored, and with the way that he began touching his mouth, caressing his lips as if he could still feel Kouga's mouth there, it was something that was very concerning to him. Kouga wondered if Inuyasha thought that the whole thing, males being together intimately, was wrong. Did he think that it went against his personal morals or something, or that it would damn his soul?

"No." Inuyasha looked up, and he shook his head to solidify his words.

"No?" The world before Kouga seemed to dissolve. He hated over-the-top displays of dramatics, much less the descriptions they conjured up in his sappy mind. However, there was no arguing that there was so much more shadow now, and that the moonlight was far less brighter. Inuyasha didn't want him, end of story, he could go home now...

"No, I don't think it's wrong." Kouga saw the light again, and he nearly cheered from relief. But what wasn't wrong? The kiss? The thought of two guys being together? What?

"What's not wrong?"

"Two guys...ya know...together. It's whatever. I never saw anything wrong with it." If there were such things as angels - Kouga figured there had to be, for he was a youkai and everything had a counterpart - he would have figured that the music he heard in his ears at that moment was angel-song: sweet, calming baritones meant to inspire and relax him to clarity. Meaning, Inuyasha didn't find a thing wrong with it, and that made Kouga's world that much better.

Now, for the next question. "Well...um, good. My next question is...are you in love with Kagome, or anyone else?" Kouga wasn't sure if Inuyasha had anyone else, but then he mentally berated himself for thinking so less of the one his heart was set on. With the way Inuyasha looked, and through strength alone, he would make any woman incredibly blessed, if only they over-looked his lineage and the blood. Kouga could give a shit about that, for Inuyasha hadn't only kicked his ass plenty of times, but he also beat his stuck-up brother in combat on many an occasion.

Inuyasha gave him a long look, and then shook his head. "Actually, Kagome and I have an understanding. We're not in love with each other. She's with some guy in her own time. Me and Kikyou...I don't love her like that anymore. I want to..." Inuyasha stopped speaking then, and Kouga knew that this was a topic that Inuyasha was not comfortable with sharing. That was fine, but Kouga hoped against hope itself that Inuyasha would one day share it with him. "Anyways...no. I'm not...involved with anyone." The hanyou squinted at the ground suddenly, as if the pebbles would reveal to him the mysteries and wonders of the universe. That, or he wished the ground would suddenly become a gaping hole and swallow him so he that he wouldn't have to endure this conversation anymore.

Pathetic, extended metaphors or not, Inuyasha was available. Kouga couldn't help the sly smile that broke across his mouth, or the way the world seemed so much brighter now. He really, really hated that the way he viewed the world was based on the reaction of his heart's intended, but he knew that was a given. Susceptibility was both a blessing and a curse with this damned emotion.

"Well, I'm happy for Kagome, really. You seem alright with it." Inuyasha nodded, and there was no bitterness in his eyes, or any wooden set to his movements; he was truly happy for Kagome.

"I am...and yeah, I guess I'm on the market or whatever. I'm not meat though, or a fucking prize, or something someone can easily get. Believe me...you don't want me."

The comment floored Kouga and his shock must have been so effusive, Inuyasha gave him a strange look that spoke volumes, specifically that he was the oddest creature he had ever come by. "W-what? I want you! I do!"

Inuyasha looked at him, gave him a sour look, and then promptly busted into laughter. "You made that very clear. I just...I have bad luck with love, bad tastes you could say. I fuck up a lot. You'd wind up wanting to kill me or somethin'; I don't know how to...do that."

Kouga knew exactly what he was referring to, and it hurt his chest, for it reaffirmed a belief he'd had from the very beginning: that Inuyasha had been burned by the flames of love. That's why love was always linked to fire, for it was both brilliant and hot when one felt it, but it devastated just as easily.

It was very, very stupid of him to make this claim, much less admit it so openly. When one promised something, it was very important they kept it, which Kouga was prepared to do.

_'Then maybe it's not stupid.'_ "Inuyasha...I'll never do that to you." When Inuyasha began to protest and look extremely uncomfortable with where this conversation was headed, Kouga gently interrupted him. "Please hear me out, for just a bit longer. Then you can run off into the forest and vomit and wipe your mouth on poison ivy or somethin'." Inuyasha managed a small laugh, and then nodded, which was an agreement in itself. "Alright...if I ever fuck with your heart, cheat on you, or you find out that everything I just did was a lie...kick my ass. Kick my ass until I don't have an ass anymore. Kick my ass until I won't be able to relieve myself anymore. I swear to whoever the fuck runs this whole universe that I'll never play around with you like that, or make this some sick game. You're not a prize; you're the fucking best and if it took me this damn long to realize that, then somethin's very wrong with me." Inuyasha made several faces during this speech - the bulk of them being when he talked about kicking ass and disrupting normal bodily functions - but then remarkably enough, Inuyasha's face softened. Not to say that Inuyasha trusted him, for Inuyasha didn't trust easily, but this was progress, albeit the tiniest step in a world constructed of sprinting.

"Hn. I'll take ya up on that." Inuyasha took a deep breath and closed his eyes, as if in the brief silence, his mind was attempting to piece this new information into some semblance of sense, something he could work with. "Well...ya want to woo me?" Kouga nodded, wondering where this was headed. "I can't say that grosses me out, or that you're not a good kisser or anything...but we don't even know each other! We've fought, bickered, and bitched enough to last a life time...but this is the first time we've been...you know, civil."

Kouga couldn't help the smirk that crossed his lips, or the way that he immediately folded his arms across his chest. "I'm a good kisser? Good. Plenty more where that came from." Inuyasha's eyes widened in such shock that Kouga couldn't help but laugh. "Kiddin', kiddin'. And you're right. I made the attempt to get along and so far...it's working, right? We're not antagonizing each other, or tearing at each others throats, or anything like that. Ya gotta admit that's a miracle!"

Inuyasha nodded and then met his eyes, as if he had come to a conclusion of sorts. "Kagome was kind of the source of our rivalry, and the jewel shards. Kagome's with that Hojo guy in her time and I have the shards. I guess there's nothing keeping us from being nice to each other anymore." Kouga nodded furiously, almost as if his very existence depended on the bobbing of his neck. "Let me get this straight though: you want to woo me. You want to...make me yours..." Inuyasha trailed off, almost as if the thought took so much out of him, the pause was necessary for his mental stability. "That's...new to me. I've never had someone be so forward about their intentions before."

Kouga nodded his head, though he had no idea why there weren't others constantly throwing themselves at him. If they even gave Inuyasha so much as a second thought, or really looked at him...That being said, if they did that, then Kouga would have more competition, and even getting the guy to listen to him was a hard enough challenge, much less fighting off women left and right.

"I just need to know if you even want me to try. Say the word right now, and I'll stop. I don't want you to have to deal with my unrequited bullshit." Inuyasha muttered something, but with the way his stumbling lips formed the words, Kouga heard nothing but a jumbled sentence. "Uh...what?"

"I said, it's not unrequited or bullshit. I don't know much about love, but what I do know is that it has to be taken seriously." Inuyasha narrowed his eyes to the ground, his facial expression stating that there was no way that he had just revealed that. He had, and that reaffirmed Kouga's hopes. Those words gave Kouga the hope that his stupid, half-baked scheme would actually have a chance. "You really, really want to try?"

Any onlooker, or anyone who just happened to walk in on this conversation right then wouldn't have caught the sheer vulnerability that practically emulated off of the hanyou, as if he was afraid that this was some scheme of Kouga's to trick him, make off with the jewel shards, his precious sword and then team up with Naraku or something.

Kouga wished that Inuyasha had the ability to read minds. He knew that older youkai, ones that could assume their true form, were capable of telepathy. If only right then Inuyasha could copy that ability onto himself and see that there was no ill-intent going on and that his intentions were pure, then everything would be perfect.

That was part of it though: trust, no matter how foolish it was.

"Yeah. I really wanna try. If I have even the slightest fucking chance..." Kouga shook his head, knowing he had stopped what would have surely been the biggest rant of his life. "I want a shot. Will you give me that?"

Inuyasha gave him a long look, a scrutiny that was the last attempt on the hanyou's part at uncovering this imaginary scheme formed by his own paranoia and a life of mistrust. Kouga wanted to end Inuyasha's mistrust right then, but it wasn't to be on this night.

Inuyasha exhaled, and then nodded. "Fine. Go for it...just don't be weird about it is all. You can fucking join my pack for a bit, if you want, just to see if you actually like spending time with me." Inuyasha shook his head, almost as if he couldn't believe that he was actually saying all of this, or going along with this very, very impulsive plan. "All this time, I thought you hated me. I guess we both learned a little somethin' about love tonight." The lines between love and hate were extremely blurred in this instance.

"You got that right." Kouga sighed and looked to the sky, wondering what his ancestors were saying about him right then. They were probably tripping over themselves in their attempt to communicate with him right then, telling him that it wasn't too late to find a nice wolf princess. _'Sorry elders, my life is my own.'_ "Heh. Ginta and Hakkaku will like that. They love Kagome's food." Both of them shared a small laugh at that, no matter how serious this situation proved, or how awkward it was. "So, you really mean it? About giving me a chance?"

Inuyasha gave him a long look and then unfolded his arms from his chest. "I have nothing to lose except for my pride. Also, you are nowhere near smart enough to try and fool me with some reverse plan on trying to get Kagome, steal the jewel shards and go on Naraku's side, so it's probably best if you stick around so I can prove myself wrong." Kouga blinked a few times, and then laughed so hard, he thought that he would die right there, because of loss of breath, and the sheer amount of happiness this caused him.

"I...you...think..." Kouga doubled over, knowing several things in that moment: that he and Inuyasha were actually getting the fuck along, Inuyasha was the most paranoid guy he ever knew, and that his plan somehow worked.

Inuyasha chuckled and got down on his haunches beside him. "You're freakin' crazy. And weird. I don't even know why I agreed to this." Inuyasha said the last part with a smile, and Kouga stifled his laughter long enough to nod.

"I'm as crazy as they come!" Kouga stood up and gave Inuyasha a wry smile. "So, any ground rules before I completely change your world?"

Inuyasha blinked rapidly a few times, and Kouga made a mental note to tone down his flattery, for he didn't want to scare the guy off not ten minutes before he made his intentions known. That being said, he knew that being oneself was essential for this love thing, and that if he couldn't even do that, then Kouga would have wound up very screwed.

"Uh...just don't be too weird in front of the others. Just be you. Not like the nervous wreck you were earlier. That was just painful to watch." Inuyasha smirked, and Kouga restrained himself from throwing himself at the hanyou right then, and kissing the guy breathless. That could wait.

_'Operation seduce the sex incarnate is a go.'_ "Alright, I can do that. I won't watch you while you sleep or anything, I'm not that much of a stalker." Inuyasha cocked his eyebrow and shook his head, which elicited more laughter. "I'd never do that to ya. As pretty as you are, I don't need to do that. You're already in my fuckin' dreams..." Inuyasha looked taken aback at that statement, and Kouga cursed his luck, wondering if that would be the final straw that broke the poor, overworked camel's back.

"...I'll pretend I didn't hear that. Anyways, just show up tomorrow and I'll explain that we've come to an agreement, or formed an alliance or something. Or, you can just tell the group about your intentions if you want. I don't think they'll care that much, but expect some strange looks for the next century and a half if you do."

Inuyasha took a deep breath and shook his head, as if he found himself in permanent disbelief on the slight of hand fate had dealt him. "This is crazy." That was spoken more to himself than anything, but Kouga was the furthest thing from offended. He remembered feeling that way before, and even still, the vise of insanity didn't want to unclench its hold on him any time soon.

"Yeah, I know. Thanks for giving me a chance though, I won't let you down!" Inuyasha gave him a long look, and in those drawn out moments, Kouga swore Inuyasha was trying to catch any cause for suspicion, both in the words and in his eyes.

"...yeah. See you tomorrow." Inuyasha gave him one last look and then took off down the path, as if he could not wait to get away from him. Kouga knew that he was just nervous and scared of affection. Hell, he would be too if he was born a hanyou and had an innate sense of suspicion. Kouga just hoped that with who he was, personality wise, that the hanyou he was so set on would be a compatible match for him.

Doubting could wait though. For now, Kouga couldn't help feeling happy, and he wanted to share it with the world. He was insane, yes, but so what?

Meaning, his insanity justified the fact that he suddenly took an impulsive leap through the air, ran to the edge of the cliff, and shouted for all the world to hear that he was lucky to be alive and that he wasn't a coward. If he woke up a few animals and a handful of villages then in the process, then so be it.

And if Inuyasha heard him, it was just a bonus for this excellent turn-out.

_The next two chapters will involve a merging of seasons, the next chapter being summer and fall, and the final being winter. It could correlate to the theme song of Inuyasha, the "Four Seasons" masterpiece._

_More comedic banter and sexy times are afoot, I promise. Thank you all for your support thus far._

_~Luna_


	4. Resultant

_There is not enough gratitude I can give to the readers who stuck with this story throughout, I apologize on the lengthy absence, new fandoms and everything else got in the way. This story will be priority to finish however, have no fear. *gives mini Inuyasha and Kouga's to everyone*_

_However, since I am hideously late with this story, it will now be six chapters, as this is quite a lengthy chapter; the next part will be up as soon as I can manage. As always, thank you dear reader for your patience, I will not abandon ye._

_Also, the last three chapters were edited for terrible grammar mistakes I made, just for a forewarning. :) _

_No ownership, no nothing. Sadly._

* * *

><p>"<em>The art of love...is largely the art of persistence." Albert Ellis<em>

Kouga had never considered himself a genius. He was of able body and mind, with a wit as tapered as a well-sharpened blade, battle-ready for any verbal encounter or conversation that came his way. He had the know-how for leadership, plenty of experience on the battle-field, and plenty of volition.

However, not once did he believe he was smart enough to cause such a successful aftermath for his five-step plan. By the might of his will, Ayame no longer was forced into obligatory matrimony, Kagome was free from his past foolishness, and Inuyasha...had invited him to stay with his pack. Granted, it was for the necessity of experiment to see if either of the two could stand each other. But the important part of it all was that somehow, based on his own actions, he managed to complete more than half of his plan. And Inuyasha didn't loathe him for the confession, much less the impulsive kiss.

In all, things were going quite well for him.

The most important part of it all wasn't that however. It was in knowing that the one he cared for didn't despise him in the least, and not only that, but accepted him into his life for an interminable period of time regardless of the motives behind the offer. Not only that, but Inuyasha respected his feelings on keeping the shards he returned to him. That was a more significant part than their spontaneous - albeit one-sided - lip-lock in truth. With the shards, he gave the pack he was to be joining an advantage, a secret that would be the undoing of Naraku.

For all Kouga knew, that fur-wearing disgrace had no idea of the new alliance, much less what his heart was telling him. Kouga figured that was an optimism the mission couldn't afford, the luxury of underestimating one's enemy, but he didn't care. Inuyasha didn't hate him, and that was the most liberating feeling.

_ikikikiki_

The first month of relocating to Inuyasha's group was one of the most awkward and exhilarating transitions of Kouga's life. Ginta and Hakkaku were thrilled to be beside Kagome - of which, they still considered a sister - and they got along very well with the other members. They answered Miroku's inquiries about every facet of their lives, as wolves, down to his questions about if wolves held a form of worship. Sango was extremely polite and that was a massive relief off of Kouga's conscience. The young human woman came from a clan of youkai-slayers, so he imagined any union between their opposite blood was purely wishful thinking. Never once did she mention the difference between them and for that, the young woman had Kouga's admiration. Kagome was just as spirited as always, but generous in the snacks she gave to him and his brothers. No matter how friendly she was with him however, Kouga refused to allow himself to come within five feet from her person. Kouga gave her breathing room, proper distance, and he was willing to talk with her only in the group. Not once did he speak with her alone, or attempt to splinter the necessary proximity between the two of them. Shippou and the fire-neko - of which, he learned was named Kirara - kept away from them if they were alone, but during travels, Shippou would sometimes sit on either Hakkaku or Ginta's shoulder, asking them questions. Kirara trotted alongside Sango, but Kouga had no doubt that she could sense that both he and his brothers meant their master and her pack no harm.

There were some definite problems that arose almost as early as the first few days. Kouga's concern was that without the jewel-shards, he would become a liability to the group. Kouga had no idea how much he relied on the borrowed power of the shards to fuel him for where he wanted to go. He could still run, but the effort was more taxing, straining on his body and mind than he had ever surmised. Running, something he had done all of his life, became far harder, any notion of losing himself with the movement of his legs and body scattered to the four winds the moment he attempted heavy sprinting. In a life-or-death situation, in which he had to run for his life, there was a minor chance he would run out of lung power and breath. He would be damned if he lost his life over a failure to win an important race in which his life depended on his ability to cross the finish line.

So he did what any self-respecting wolf-prince would have done: he offered to hunt for the pack whenever they needed - or wanted - his assistance. Kouga told this to Inuyasha first, without mentioning his fear of not being able to run fast and hard. He did this for many reasons, but one main one in particular: he knew that Inuyasha's pride was important. The image Inuyasha upheld for himself as a leader was important, along with the ability to save face. Life had more than likely crushed Inuyasha's pride at some point, taking with it any thought of self-confidence. Whereas he had been told from the beginning of his life that he was to emanate and foster deep-rooted assurance in himself, Kouga doubted that was the truth for Inuyasha. In a world that mocked, shunned, and killed half-breeds, Inuyasha had to find a resolve and a confidence all on his own. By asking if he could assist with the hunt, Kouga was reassuring Inuyasha that he wasn't attempting to take over providing for his pack, nor was he deposing him of the title of leadership; Kouga just wanted to help, albeit in a physical and subconscious way to the wonderful half-breed's psyche.

Kouga voiced his inquiry, awaiting the inevitability of his head getting bashed in, or a ten-minute long rant on how asinine his claim proved to be; Inuyasha did neither of those things, nor did he act out on the list of thousands of possibilities Kouga imagined, most of them resulting in his death or expulsion from the group. The once half-breed gave him a long, probing stare, scratched the inside of his left ear, and then proclaimed that if he wanted to do that, no one was stopping him.

Thus his hunting endeavors began. There was nothing more satisfying than killing an animal for a meal, and once more, reveling in the thrill of the hunt, At least that was how it used to be, upon the aid of the jewel shards. Now, there was no chance of an easy pursuit. If the animals weren't hiding, then they migrated to another part of the forest. If the scents weren't lost, the animals had heard him and fled. He killed, he hunted, and he provided, but only at the cost of his energy and more egotism than he ever would have dreamed.

'_Nobody said impressing someone was easy.' _

The group always thanked him for the rabbits, deer, and other various animals he took down, and for that, Kouga was thankful. It was Inuyasha's wariness that set him on edge. He ate the food and muttered his appreciation afterwards, but he didn't seem too pleased with his efforts. Kouga, in-between a mouthful of buck, inwardly panicked. What had he done wrong? Was he upset abut the kill? Did it have to do with the fact that Inuyasha was stripped from an obligation that inspired confidence? And above all, did it have anything to do with him?

Afterwards, within the expanse of thirty seconds, Kouga felt like bashing his head against a tree, laughing himself to tears, and beckoning hysteria for being so ridiculously stupid. The truth was that he just had to remain calm, take everything with the rise and fall of the sun, and _stop _working himself into a frenzy over every minor reaction his love interest showed him. If he kept this up, he would go bald, die of heart failure, or wind up doing something incredibly foolish.

Kouga's answer came at the end of the first month of travel, after a particularly hard hunt. He managed to kill a few rabbits, but he knew that his brothers, himself, and Inuyasha preferred meat they could sink their teeth into. Mainly, this part of the hunt was propelled forward with one thought in mind: his stubborn, sharp-witted romantic interest. That was why when, after several minutes of pure concentration he found himself scared out of his skin at the voice behind him.

"Are ya sure you don't need my help?" Kouga whirled around so fast, he was struck by a moment of uncharacteristic clumsiness that didn't become him. He was so startled that he nearly fell down into the glade where several drowsy deer were grazing, nibbling on the remaining grass of summer. Lucky for him, his antics didn't scare the deer away, and for that Kouga was grateful.

"Yeah, positive. Now leave!" All of this was said in a quick whisper, cerulean eyes darting from the prey to the handsome figure before him.

"Ya sure? I mean, I appreciate what you're doing and all...but I'm here if you need me."

_Inuyasha_ offering him help? And _him_ nonetheless? Yes, _this _was the once half-breed who defied every obstacle and barrier that tried and failed to barricade him from personal acceptance and strength. However, he was so unwilling to ease away from his unyielding facade which he wore like the birthright of the katana on his hip. For _Inuyasha_ to offer his services...in short, it was a big, fucking deal and not to be taken lightly, or for granted.

Kouga glanced away from the herd, met citrine eyes, and nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, really. Thanks, but I need to do this on my own. I'm catchin' your dinner, and it'll be good."

It was a matter of personal pride on Kouga's behalf, a way of physically proving that not only could he manage without the stolen power of the jewel shards, but that he was able to provide for the group he was accepted into. And in truth, it was to show Inuyasha just how much he cared about him, that he was willing to forsake the invincibility he felt with the shards and learn everything difficult just for his sake. A worthy sacrifice, and since the five-step plan was working thus far, he figured that it would be a waste to give it up now.

Inuyasha met his gaze for several stretched out moments, eliciting in Kouga the slick-palmed, stomach-churning sensation when he did so, and he nodded. The once half-breed took off soundlessly and within half an hour's time, Kouga uncovered several conclusions: deer were fast but he was learning how to catch up with them, and Inuyasha, somewhere along the way, had changed.

That was a bold statement to make considered who he was referring to, but he made the claim regardless of any nay-sayer. Before, the Inuyasha _he_ knew was unwilling to bend, to give those in his presence a trace of patience, much less understanding. People like that, closed off people who did their best with foul-mouths and smoldering glares to scare others off usually succeeded. Inuyasha reminded Kouga of a wounded predator, be it a panther or something equally ferocious and ill-tempered that hissed and snarled at anyone who dared come too close to him.

Gradually, through the passage of time - and perhaps experience - there were no more bleeding wounds on his person and those who had attempted to help him became his pack, a family. Granted, one didn't see too many packs like the one he was currently ensconced in, but that was what made Inuyasha's group so interesting: the diversity and the fact that they softened his spirit. Had Kouga tore into his limbs, spoken in tongues and kissed him a year before, he'd more than likely be dead right then.

But he wasn't and that was the important part in all of this. Inuyasha had found a way to be patient with those around him, tolerating every personality quirk, every semblance of oddity. There was still his ever-present features, the cussing, and the demeanor that screamed that no stranger get too close lest they walk away cradling their own limbs, but the truth was there: the seemingly incorrigible once half-breed had changed. The further proof in this theory was in the way Inuyasha left him to his own devices as he hunted. He didn't insist on helping him, nor did he interfere with his personal plan. He said his piece, then left.

Kouga really loved this facet of his favorite once half-breed though the new information left him reeling long after he was supposed to be asleep.

_ikikikiki_

On the last day of the second month of traveling with the group, Kouga found himself wide-awake, unable to sleep. The rest of the pack had surrendered to dreams, his brothers gentle snoring, along with the heartbeats of human and youkai alike creating a soothing tempo of breathing. By all accounts, he should have been able to catch some shut-eye, for this was the most peaceful sound he knew.

Try as he might, it wasn't happening tonight.

Carefully, Kouga stood up, cracked his neck a few times, then looked up to where his favorite once half-breed was sleeping. At least, Kouga had presumed Inuyasha was asleep until he had looked up. His back was as straight as an ancient monolith, the gentle breeze moving the crimson sleeves of his haori like banners from an ancient time. With the way the moon hung low in the sky, it emanated a frosted light over the valley, playing with shadow and color. For the moment, Inuyasha's skin appeared to glow, the tan of his flesh smoothing out to a beige. And his eyes were...beyond any descriptive words Kouga could shape into being right then. He was the embodiment of this summer's night, and so very enthralling.

There was a question in those honey-colored eyes, a question that by Kouga's brief assumption, Inuyasha hoped to find the answer for by looking up at the skies. Kouga didn't want to break his concentration with seeking advice in the clouds or anything, but this was the first official "alone time" he'd had with Inuyasha since he found the hanyou's mouth irresistible to his own.

If he hated him for breaking his thoughts, then so be it. There was no sense lying on the ground, pretending to sleep, not when he could potentially help Inuyasha speak about whatever it was that needed a voice.

Quietly, Kouga made his way over to the tree, stopping just below a cluster of roots at the base.

"Couldn't sleep?" Inuyasha's head appeared over the branch, and the reply was spoken too low for human ears, but in the perfect pitch for a youkai's.

"Meh. I hate bein' restless. I was just thinking to pass the time."

It was a crazy idea, but not so far in the grip of insanity that Kouga wouldn't at least attempt this notion.

"Know what 'cha mean. Mind if I join you?" The moment the words left his mouth, Kouga felt the air of confidence he donned like a much-needed weapon fragment, tearing itself to shreds from the source it came from. His past frenzy came into being, along with the strand of inquiries, of inner-chastising, of everything ever fashioned to create doubt.

It was only a few moments, but it felt now like he had been standing there until he could feel the world move beneath his feet, waiting on whether or not acceptance or rejection awaited his call.

Had Kouga not been looking up, he would have missed the brief bobbing of Inuyasha's head, a green-light for "get up here, you crazy mutt." Kouga felt a grin split his face and within moments, he was settling himself on the branch adjacent to Inuyasha's. There was no time to consider if anyone else had ever shared a tree with him before, nor did Kouga wish to think about that. What mattered was the here and now, the truth being that Inuyasha let him share his company. Doubt wouldn't poison this brilliant turn of events, a turn of events that was hidden under the guise of a restless summer's night.

"We don't have to talk if you don't want to." Kouga laced his fingers, folding his hands neatly behind his head. "I don't wanna disturb you." Inuyasha was silent for a moment, for a long moment in which Kouga wondered if he was having second thoughts about having a guest up here.

"Nah, I don't mind. You're the first person that ever wanted to join me up here." Kouga, had he been on the ground, would have been turning somersaults right then, for that was such a great thing to hear. Though, it might not have been as equally significant to Inuyasha as it was to him, Kouga didn't really mind. It was...flattering. Intensely flattering to be a guest, even if it was just sharing a tree.

"Well, thanks! It's good to be up here. It's a nice night for looking at the stars." It took Inuyasha a few moments to respond, and instead of flying into a tizzy over nothing, Kouga figured that at night, when inward contemplation came about, it became that much harder to carry on an intelligible conversation.

"Yeah, you're right. I was actually thinking about somethin' a little deeper than stars."

Kouga, beside himself, chuckled. The hanyou certainly knew how to keep someone guessing.

"Oh yeah? Like what?" Kouga would have sooner tore out his tongue than voiced that inquiry, but he knew that since it was said he had to deal with it. "I mean, you don't have to tell me if ya don't want. It's your business."

Inuyasha chuckled deep in his throat, the tree groaning with his shifting weight. It was almost as if he wanted to make himself more comfortable, something someone would do if they wished to ease into the conversation better. The night was certainly looking up.

"It's a little stupid." Now it was Kouga's turn to laugh, not out of mockery, but a laugh with the connotative "oh really? I'm sure I'm dumber than you" feeling behind it.

"Oh yeah? Try me. I'm sure what goes in my mind will reassure your brain." Inuyasha was silent for a bit longer and Kouga was fine with it. There was no such thought as dead-on between them, at least where Kouga's mentality was concerned. The air seemed to be swathed with an electric current, a veil of lightning easing him into a stupor that easily would have left him a gibbering fool had he not learned to control it. It was the feeling of belonging, of knowing that this was who he loved and simply being in this proximity with Inuyasha was enough for now. He just hoped that Inuyasha wasn't bored with him, with the silence that enveloped the two of them in their own pocket of solace. Because if he was, well, then that was something to be concerned about.

Up here, from the vantage point, it was a completely different world. Just like he had his cliff-side, Inuyasha had the trees of the forest to escape to for a breath of air. They weren't so different as he had once believed, once upon a foolish time ago, where competition, killing and getting "his woman" was all he knew.

And then a catalyst with eyes of the sun and hair like the stars obliterated his world and sanity. Of which, he was ever-grateful for.

"I was just thinking if there's such a thing as Fate. If so, she, he, they, it or whoever sure has a funny way of controlling everything." Fate. Kouga never doubted that Inuyasha contemplated the world in its entirety before, but this just proved that Inuyasha was far smarter than what people gave him credit for.

"Want my opinion on that? But first do you believe in Fate?" There was a pause, but it wasn't as brief as the past prolonged silence between them.

"I don't really like the thought of somethin' controlling me and what I do. It's like being forced to do something by an enemy I can't see." That was a very interesting way of looking at the notion of Fate, something Kouga was strongly against since the start of this new found volition of his.

Kouga decided to wait a few moments before responding, just in case Inuyasha wished to say something else, or add to his outspoken thought. When his ears were met with silence, Kouga gave his opinion and inquiry form.

"Fate scares you if it's beyond your control, am I right?" Inuyasha swiveled his head around to meet Kouga's gaze, his eyes narrowing with an accusatory glint, borne of habit.

"I ain't scared. I just...it makes me uncomfortable." Kouga figured that his question didn't ruin the camaraderie, but he couldn't help the sliver of fear that sliced its way through his chest.

If one question ruined everything after all, then he chose the wrong person to fall for. He'd get out of this; he had to.

"Hey now, I didn't mean to offend. Just a question." Inuyasha raised a black eyebrow, part of his face obscured momentarily with the gesture, courtesy of his bangs. "You're the bravest youkai I know." Inuyasha's ears flattened against his head, as if his body was attempting to purge the compliment before it got under his skin. Kouga wasn't sure if Inuyasha was successful in that or not.

"...thanks. There's braver. But hell, I ain't doin' so bad." A transitory smile flickered across Inuyasha's face, his lips never looking more inviting than at that moment. In that moment, Kouga not only wanted to kiss that mouth, but gently touch it with his fingers before kissing it again and again. With the brief flash of fang, and a light pink tongue, it was enough to drive him wild, if not up and down the tree a few times.

"Uh, yeah! But they're not you." Kouga cleared his throat, hoping that the gesture cleared his mind of any sensual futures with that mouth. What mattered was now: the clear night air, the heat of the season, and the best company in the world.

"Wanna know what I think of Fate?"Inuyasha nodded his assent. "It's a waste of time. Who lets some stupid idea for "Fate" and "Destiny" decide what we do and who we are? I sure as hell ain't gonna let anyone run my life." If there wasn't a sleeping campsite below him, Kouga would have shouted his opinion through the night that Fate could stick it where the sun would never in a million years shine. He figured it best to be considerate for those that needed sleep. "The bottom line: I don't believe in it." Kouga stretched his legs out, relaxing to the best of his ability against the bark of the tree, adjusting his hands all the while. It only took a few moments to realize Inuyasha was more or less gawking at him.

Kouga tilted his head, opening one eye to meet the inquiring gaze of his love interest. "Hmm?"

"You just sorta read my mind. You placed my thoughts into words. I don't buy into Fate either. Life's what you make it." Kouga chuckled low in his throat, praying that Inuyasha couldn't detect the traces of a blush that enflamed his face.

"I'm tellin' ya, I'm not as dumb as I look." He tapped his forehead, tilting his head up to look at the stars. "I do believe something else though. Wolves believe our ancestors roam the skies. There's even a legend about the moon and stars being what the howls of the first wolf created, so no one would have to be lonely. We're never alone. That's what I believe anyway."

Inuyasha shuffled in his seated position, remaining silent for quite some time, so quiet that Kouga wondered if the hanyou had fallen asleep. As lovely as it was to entertain the fantasy of carrying the hanyou to sleep down below, Kouga figured Inuyasha was simply thinking and taking his time with it.

"Let me get this straight. Wolves believe their ancestors, right down to their uncle from hundreds of years ago, are running rampant up there?" That sounded like he was disagreeing with him, when in reality he wasn't. There was an edge of neutrality that lined his voice with a willingness to understand Kouga's belief even if he didn't necessarily believe in it. This furthered the notion once more that Inuyasha was continuing to change.

"Yeah, I believe it. There's nothin' finer than knowing my folks are lookin' out for me." Before he could stop himself, bite off his own tongue, or choke down the question, Kouga gave his inquiry a voice. "Where are your folks?" Surely not every hanyou upbringing was as tragic as what he assumed. It was only a question, but Kouga had no way of knowing how deep the inquiry hit him, if it was a sore subject or not. The only way to find out for certain was to ask and let any trace of cowardice fall from this tree, dissipating into the shadows where the dark thoughts came from.

"Keh, they're long gone." Kouga had a feeling this was the case. He might not have been the brightest youkai on the earth, but he certainly knew the difference between when it was appropriate to ask questions and when it was in his best interest to shut the hell up. It was the time for the latter to reign dominion over his words.

At least that's what Kouga's brain told him. What failed to occur was a communication between his brain and mouth that signaled a red flag, stating that the time to stop speaking was now.

"Mine too." He'd already mentioned that, but the reminder was not for the sake of attempting to relate, but simply a gentle indication that they were similar creatures. "Guys like us gotta stick together." That was a bold claim, a suggestion that stated that there was something keeping the two of them together, a connection forged by their orphaned states. For all Kouga knew, Inuyasha was contemplating all the ways he could throw him from the tree for his insincere remark.

Questions were never simple, for the pain of answers, the pain of memory was very much real.

"I mean...uh...I'll just shut-up now. Sorry for buggin' ya and breaking your train of thought." Inuyasha fixed him with a look that proclaimed two truths to be absolute: Kouga was a real head-case for over-thinking and the constant second-guessing, and he wasn't offended by the questions. In theory, Kouga speculated as relief bathed in clarity, if Inuyasha had the willingness to answer his questions, he didn't really mind that he asked them outright.

"Hn. I really don't care if you stay or go." That was as close to a verbal affirmation Kouga was going to receive which he was alright with. So long as he wasn't on the ground, picking his teeth from the dirt in the gloom of the night, he was fine with Inuyasha's response.

"Well then, thanks! I don't mean to be nosy, ya know? I just want to...know what you believe's up there." Kouga had changed the sentence halfway through the formation. He figured that if he was to say he wanted to know him the entire conversation would sputter and die, and Inuyasha would never feel truly comfortable around him again.

'_So much for seducing the guy.'_ "I mean, you gotta go somewhere when we die, so why not up? Wanna hear more about the legend that the wolves believe in?" Inuyasha agreed, and fully turned his body to face Kouga. A phantom hand clenched his gut when the hanyou physically turned to meet his gaze, the enormity that _Inuyasha_ was looking at _him_ enough to send him over the edge of the tree. Somehow, he managed to tell a few final pieces of information on his belief, on how wolves died, and then sprinted through the heavens for all eternity in their true forms.

"True forms, always lookin' down on us, but at us. We're not alone here." Once more, Kouga wished he could have taken back his words. He was well aware that what he was doing, all of this self-doubt had no place in his mission to "get the guy." If he wanted for all of his past efforts to go to waste, he might as well have kept up the same charade of moral dilemma. However, Kouga just couldn't help it. It was incredibly easy for him to believe that he was ever-watched over by his ancestors, but for someone else who had never heard the belief before, there was much more room to disregard it. Also, it was simple for him to believe because of his lineage. He was still the appointed prince from birthright and had a childhood composed of being coddled and very happy. His polar opposite fashioned in red and enough unreadable expressions to last a thousand years had more than likely known of hell earlier than any living creature should have. If anything, Kouga had no right to even talk with him about this, much less speak about this "faith" of his.

"At least, that's what I believe: that no matter who you are, or where you come from, your ancestors and the wolves are always watching after ya." Inuyasha emitted a small grunt of approval and flickered his gaze from his eyes - which was a pleasant and stimulating experience - to the midnight colored sky.

"Even if you're not a wolf?"

"Yeah! I mean, if you're up there, you're not going to be looking at just the wolves, but the world. They see everything, and we're not alone because of it."

Inuyasha didn't speak for several minutes, as if the silence allowed him to digest this new information.

"Hn. A lot of youkai in their true forms, watching us." The sentence was a statement, threaded by indifference; neither a disagreement nor an agreement. Kouga caught that the emphasis was on the words _watching us_, and he instantly felt like a creep, like someone who was looking far too into world placement. However, there was no denying that Inuyasha was at least mildly touched by the revealing of his belief.

"I mean, I thought about that, about those who died watchin' over those who lived and all, but I never had someone to share it with." Inuyasha shrugged, his rigid body language revealing how apathetic he was to not being able to reveal his theory to someone before. It was the demeanor of someone who was so used to keeping their thoughts locked away that they were immune to not being able to speak openly. That saddened Kouga to no end. Someone like Inuyasha should have been able to find someone with whom he could confide his musings with, someone trustworthy who wouldn't betray his inner-most thoughts with a world that took a liking to demeaning half-breeds. Kouga figured that was where the age-old phrase came into play, the one that spoke about this life not being fair came in.

Kouga was so touched by this fact that he nearly blurted out that Inuyasha could share anything with him whenever, wherever. But he didn't. Kouga figured he had made enough of a fool out of himself for one night, so he remained quiet, barely breathing, almost as if he believed from his past view-point that his very existence was an annoyance to Inuyasha.

The hanyou's next words came as a world-shattering shock to him, splintering his past thoughts. "I guess this means I trust you, a little." Kouga nearly fell off the branch then, and he knew that with this tantamount feeling of astonishment, he would have split his skull from the fall, for he would have been too stunned to save himself, much less land properly.

To compensate, Kouga felt a sly grin spread across his features. "You mean it?" There was a definitive note of vulnerability in the words, which led Kouga to wonder if Inuyasha detected it. The weakness was there for him alone, for Inuyasha was the only one who made him question so hard, much less think so deeply about everything they talked about.

Inuyasha smirked and Kouga felt himself lost in the slant of his mouth. "Yeah, I guess. You're not bright enough to fool me. You're not interested in anything other than me, and bein' with me. That kinda devotion can't be faked."

That was both the greatest compliment and the most enigmatic claim Inuyasha had ever made. A compliment because Inuyasha believed that what Kouga was feeling right then, the pulse-pounding, head-spinning sensation was not just a fabrication. He believed that Kouga had told him the truth about him "fucking loving him." Also, the claim was layered with mystery, for Kouga still didn't know if Inuyasha trusted him in full. That being said, Kouga knew Inuyasha didn't fully trust the water he drank, much less a stubborn and very much in love wolf-youkai who only wanted to be with him.

Kouga chuckled, mirroring Inuyasha's smirk. "You bet! I'm fucking yours. My heart's still set on you."

For the umpteenth time that night, Kouga feared that his words would finally cause Inuyasha to kick him out of the tree, and even worse, his life. He wished he could snatch the words from thin-air, and swallow them, the hope being that by the time Inuyasha replied, the words would be halfway down his small intestine.

Inuyasha didn't do anything aside from raise a slanted eyebrow, breathe a lofty sigh and shrug. "You really mean that, don't you?" Every word of that sentence dripped with the poison of disbelief, almost as if Inuyasha couldn't fathom why _he _would feel this intensely about _him_. Kouga knew that if he was to attempt to answer that unspoken inquiry, they would be in this tree until the following night.

Instead of trying to answer what was never placed into words, Kouga answered the question at hand. "Yeah. Yes. I really do Inuyasha. I meant everything I said a few months ago. No regrets, my heart is yours." Kouga lightly tapped his chest for emphasis, which resulted in brief albeit pleasing laughter from Inuyasha.

"I know it makes no damn sense, but that's the thing about love, even if it's one-sided; it makes no sense."

Inuyasha shook his head, and Kouga wondered if he still couldn't believe that he felt this way for him.

"You still don't believe me, do you?" Inuyasha met his eyes, shrugging.

"Well, yeah, sure. You're goin' to all the trouble of giving back jewel shards, joining the pack, and then telling me you love me. I'd be pretty stupid not to believe it when it's staring me right in the face."

Kouga chuckled, the sound low and vibrating in his throat. "You're damn right! I mean...err...it's up to you. I leave it in your hands." Closing his eyes, he leaned back in the tree, pleasantly relaxed all of the sudden. Who knew that banter, along with philosophical conversations, could inspire somnolence?

"That's right. Give it time." Those words nearly made Kouga jump sky-high and give a whooping cheer, for Inuyasha was actually willing to...he was willing...well, he was going to try. He was going to give this a try, whatever_ this_ was, and there was no need to worry so much.

'_Easier said than done.'_ Instead of screaming and cheering as if he would never scream or cheer again, Kouga forced his eyes closed, drowsiness weighing down his eyelids like pieces of lead. He wanted to say goodnight, but they already had in some ways; if there was one thing he knew, it was that he was most certainly not a genius, and with this resultant insanity called love, it was that in the beginning stages, words didn't need to be wasted.

'_Goodnight you crazy son-of-a-bitch; I love you forever.'_


End file.
